How did you feel about your upcoming wedding?

[cheezy]

people keep asking if I am excited, and I don’t feel excited at all. Should I be? I feel nervous about the day. My parents have taken over a bit and the wedding isn’t quite what I wanted it to be. I should be grateful. I feel quite detached from it, like it’s happening to someone else. I want to get it over and done with. I feel bad for not feeling excited. Can anyone reassure me?

Hmm I doubt this will reassure you.That’s how I felt. Like everyone had an opinion on bloody flowers and dresses, menus and venues and nobody had a thought about what was ‘me’ or ‘us’ as a couple, just what’s supposed to be done.
My enormous family treating it as a family reunion “how can you not invite your great great aunties cousins twice removed uncles in-laws? They’re family!” sort of thing and his family who are smaller but all divorced refusing to sit beside each other, speak to each other, some playing the “I’m not coming if he’s coming“ card.

Cancelled it and eloped. Never regretted it once.

Ah elopement. We would’ve loved that but I could never cancel it, not when so much trouble has gone into it. I WANT to be grateful and excited.

I found I didn’t really enjoy the build up and was worried about numbers, guests enjoying themselves and everything coming together. The evening before I was just a stress ball. The day itself was wonderful. Everyone seemed to just let their hair down and enjoy themselves and most importantly we got married and had the boys by our sides.

What does your fiancé think of your parents behaviour?

Why have your parents taken over, it’s no small wonder you’re not that excited. Are they paying for all or part of this?.

Both of you are adults with agency and you as a couple need to reaffirm boundaries here with them by saying no as and when necessary. It’s your day after all, not theirs or anyone else’s.

I’m afraid that I can’t really help. I was excited and not at all nervous.

My family were heavily involved with the planning and, for me, it was a positive thing as it meant I got a stress free ride. I still got the wedding I wanted.

God this question pissed me off.

I didn't feel excited. I was organising an event for 100 people. I had a mental to-do list as long as my arm and "feeling excited" for me was the feeling a guest might feel with zero responsibilities who can simply turn up and enjoy the day.

Was I looking forward to it - absolutely. I was more looking forward to being married and going on honeymoon!

However - it doesn't sound great that your parents have taken over and you are looking forward to it being over. Why do you think you should be grateful?

I felt like mine was happening to someone else too. Not at all interested and felt really detached from it. Just wanted it over and done with. Didn't want any guests, any fuss, any acknowledgement of it happening at all. We just did it in normal clothes, siblings as witnesses and as far away from our home town as possible. Photos came as part of the package but they were awful so I deleted them.

I'm like this with everything though, I don't like my own birthday, hate Christmas or anything where I might have to be under the spotlight. I like celebrating other peoples occasions and milestones though, I'm not a total misery guts.

OP, do you want to get married or having seconds thoughts? Do you feel excited at the thought of eloping and ditching all the planning?

I could have written your post. I felt zero excitement leading up to the day, and on the day I can't say I enjoyed it but then I hate attention and of course I felt all eyes were on me being the bride and all that.

I felt the same, 18 years ago. Wish we hadn’t done it - the big expensive do, or the actual marriage bit! In hindsight I’d say it might be worth sucking up the trouble you’ll be in for cancelling to do what you want. Or don’t get married at all if that’s what you’d prefer.

I don’t remember feeling excited either and also like you my DM took over. Everything had to be how it was supposed to be rather than what I actually wanted. I was made to feel like I didn’t know how to organise it. It was 20 years ago I was young only 21 if it was now it would be totally different I would stand up for what I wanted. We’re still married.

Cancel it and elope!

Excited and a bit nervous. We only had a short engagement ( 3 months) and a small wedding (25 guests), and it was all planned and paid for by us to be exactly what we wanted. I don't particularly enjoy large weddings though, so we were happy to get what we wanted.

We eloped for a million reasons and have always been glad we did. Upset my mum at the time but she’s always said she’d rather watch a happy marriage than a happy wedding.

My family is very dysfunctional and I couldn’t face it. My parents had a nasty divorce which made me very very wary of the whole concept …. in a way it took me a lot of courage. Plus I was up the duff and not interested in any extra stress. Just wanted to marry my fella. Also he’d been married before and completely allergic to another frothy, white wedding.

We had such a ball on the day and still very happy 13 years on. I would love to relive it!

You have options.
You don’t have to feel like a passenger. If you could start the planning again, how would you do it?