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Original poster

Feeling deflated after compliment

25 replies

Baldwinitos · 15/10/2022 22:19

New guy gave me a lovely compliment on our recent date (third) - said I looked beautiful. We were chatting later and he elaborated a bit and then said yes, you’re beautiful - I think you are. The whole “I think you are” made me feel a bit deflated :( I know how awful that sounds but just sounds like he was saying, oh well obviously you’re not actually but I’ll say something to make you feel good :(

im not in a great place emotionally right now so might be seeing things through that lens.

OP posts:
Aphidsandhoneybees · 15/10/2022 22:28

Yes it’s a bit like when I’ve had bf’s pay me a compliment and then add “but I’m biased, so…” which completely detracts from the lovely thing they’ve just said. I think they mean well and probably mean what they say but they just ruined it at the same time.

DramaAlpaca · 15/10/2022 22:28

Oh, I reckon you're overthinking! That was a really sweet thing to say. Take it how it was meant.

Pineappleskies · 15/10/2022 22:42

You're not going to make his life easy, are you, with that level of sensitivity and distortion.

Youre just going to sick all the sincerity and joy out of this.

If you're not in a good place emotionally why are you dating?

Original poster
Baldwinitos · 15/10/2022 22:44

Pineappleskies - I know! Which is why I took the compliment gracefully and moved on. I am working on self esteem but also asking if others would feel same way.

OP posts:
Floweryflora · 15/10/2022 22:46

No, no I wouldn’t feel the same way but I am not in a bad place emotionally that damages my relationships

User1014 · 15/10/2022 22:51

You are massively overthinking this. If anything, he said that to reassure you even more that HE thinks you are beautiful.

I can understand how you can overthink things when your self-esteem is low though. Find ways to work on that. Perhaps not the best time to date if you are feeling this way though.

Calandor · 15/10/2022 23:14

I think if you looked or were acting like you doubted it he was saying ' you might not think so but I do think you're beautiful'.

Don't read too much into it. Many men aren't good with words

Hillrunning · 15/10/2022 23:22

How did the conversation come back round to discussing and earlier compliment?

Floweryflora · 15/10/2022 23:57

Hillrunning · 15/10/2022 23:22

How did the conversation come back round to discussing and earlier compliment?

I’m curious about this, did you ask him? It’s very unusual to revisit a compliment, the fact you say he said “yes” makes it feel like you were asking and seeking more compliments on your looks?

J0y · 16/10/2022 00:05

I'd have got annoyed before they even said ''well I think you are''.
So I'm really touchy!

But I know I'm not beautiful so I used to feel patronised and / or wary of being manipulated. Or annoyed that I was having this vanity projected on to me like it was the best compliment ever.

dotdotdotdash · 16/10/2022 00:07

You’re confusing someone else’s judgment of your physical attractiveness with your value as a person. This is about your self esteem. Overthinking and negative self-talk… Meditation and daily writing can help

DatingDinosaur · 16/10/2022 00:13

I’m sure you are beautiful OP so take his compliment, he won’t have been lying, but there might be an ulterior motive.

I’d have got the ick at him telling me I was beautiful after only 3 dates tbh. Not because of low self esteem, but because it’s a line trotted out by players.

Original poster
Baldwinitos · 16/10/2022 01:25

We’d had a few drinks so I think I interjected and said “well, in your opinion!” Yes it is a line used by players but we get on well etc and I don’t think you can fake that element - been dating about 3 weeks and haven’t jumped into bed yet - plus I’m a firm believer that if it’s all just lines, it doesn’t matter when we sleep together, he’ll still do what he wants 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Baldwinitos · 16/10/2022 01:26

I’m not going to question him again btw, he does actually complement how I look quite a lot and I just kindly accept (and sometimes compliment him back!) and move on.

OP posts:
funzeny · 16/10/2022 02:40

Trust your gut. He could be genuine but he could be being manipulative. I'd like to think he's genuine but if you get the feeling that he's not then no one knows more to say your wrong

Original poster
Baldwinitos · 16/10/2022 02:45

Sorry complement = compliment!!

thanks all 😊

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 16/10/2022 02:53

Baldwinitos · 16/10/2022 01:25

We’d had a few drinks so I think I interjected and said “well, in your opinion!” Yes it is a line used by players but we get on well etc and I don’t think you can fake that element - been dating about 3 weeks and haven’t jumped into bed yet - plus I’m a firm believer that if it’s all just lines, it doesn’t matter when we sleep together, he’ll still do what he wants 🤷‍♀️

well, in your opinion
It is his opinion, who else's opinion is it going to be?
Take the compliment and don't overthink things, you might put him off if you keep questioning anything nice that he says to you.

anonbelle · 16/10/2022 03:07

Honestly men are dumb and just say stupid shit without thinking. I wouldn't take it too personally.

7eleven · 16/10/2022 10:46

I think this is coming from your insecurities, OP xxx

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 16/10/2022 10:51

My girlfriends and I were talking about this recently about how a 'It's marvellous you are so body confident' compliment is actually a sneaky way of saying 'Cor look at you - most people with your body would NOT be body confident but way to go that you are' is less complimentary than saying nothing at all.

I would be like you on the sensitive side.

Once a guy I was seeing was watching me so some gardening while he relaxed and said 'God I fancy you' (nice) 'Im not sure why I do but I REALLY do' (not very nice). He was binned off shortly after.

J0y · 16/10/2022 10:56

Not sure why I fancy you 😆
What a dickhead!!

Hillrunning · 16/10/2022 12:27

I don't know why people are so intent on working out a secret meaning behind people's words. He thinks you are beautiful. Lots of people won't think you are beautiful, lots will. Why does that matter, in his eyes you are pleasing to look at.

He isn't stupid or being a dick, he just likes your face!

GreyCarpet · 16/10/2022 12:32

You’re confusing someone else’s judgment of your physical attractiveness with your value as a person

This.

My boyfriend tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in his life.

Not the most beautiful in the world. Or the most beautiful he's ever met.

I was talking about one of our usual friends the other day and I described her as gorgeous. He agreed that she is.

The fact that she's gorgeous doesn't mean he doesn't love or find me attractive. And the fact I'm beautiful to him is all I can hope for.

I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world and probably not the most beautiful woman he's ever met so both of those things would be insincere and said to flatter me rather than being genuine. He also knows that whilst he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman, his friends probably think their partners are too so he's not going to make an objective statement because beauty is in the eye of the beholder n all that.

You're massively overthinking it.

donttellmehesalive · 16/10/2022 14:15

Well do you think you are a beautiful woman, objectively?

If you are, and feel that you are, and get told that you are, then I can see why his compliment fell a bit short.

If you're not - and surely we all know whether we are or not - then it was a lovely compliment because he thinks that you're beautiful and that's wonderful and doesn't need to be over-analysed or dissected.

If said it to me I would take it as a compliment.

If someone told me I was truly beautiful I would think that they were lying or needed their eyes testing.

GreyCarpet · 16/10/2022 15:50

donttellmehesalive · 16/10/2022 14:15

Well do you think you are a beautiful woman, objectively?

If you are, and feel that you are, and get told that you are, then I can see why his compliment fell a bit short.

If you're not - and surely we all know whether we are or not - then it was a lovely compliment because he thinks that you're beautiful and that's wonderful and doesn't need to be over-analysed or dissected.

If said it to me I would take it as a compliment.

If someone told me I was truly beautiful I would think that they were lying or needed their eyes testing.

Quite.

Most of us are only beautiful to the people who find us so. Even physically perfect people aren't 'beautiful' to everyone!

Beauty is so much more than what someone looks like.

What exactly did you want him to say? Confused

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