Struggling with everything

[Carrie97]

My husband and I have been together 23 years we have 3 children 13 15 and 21 we are 39. He’s never been that understanding of my emotions and he’s not romantic but that’s things I was ok with cause the most of everything else was good. I love him very much but the older our children have got he has taken to dabbling with cocaine which he knows I hate he will hide it from me then I find out he doesn’t see what the issue is I’m talking 1/2 a month max, that’s an issue he feels that’s ok?! Then 7 years ago I got pregnant again accidently my health wasn’t great at the time I have a chronic illness but have always just got on with it, looking back I was in a permanent state of shock and fear and long story is he convinced me to not go through with the pregnancy, this is something I regretted straight away and I feel it broke me, time isn’t healing at all. The day after this he left me to go out drinking with his mates, Since then I’ve begged him to have another baby to which he said no, we are too old etc. I’m not trying to make up for doing this I’ve always wanted another baby and now time is really running out, this argument comes up monthly, his take on the situation is it was the right thing to do now just move on. I don’t know what to do cause I think why should I give up on something I’m desperate for. He’s been so heartless about the whole thing. I feel so sad and lost .

I’m so sorry you felt you made the wrong decision. However, I can completely understand that with 3 teenage children, your husband didn’t feel that another baby was a good idea. And particularly not if you suffer from a health condition.

I think you’d benefit from counselling - would you ask for a referral from your GP?

I’ve considered this but to be fair I feel nothing they will say will heal me, it’s more him taking advantage and pushing for me to not have it then carrying on like it was no big deal. His attitude has always been just get over it.

That’s a bit unfair though - you’re blaming him but really nobody should be having a baby unless both parents are on board and happy about it. ‘Taking advantage and pushing for me not to have it’ - if it’s his genuine opinion that he doesn’t want more children that’s not ‘taking advantage’.

What if you’d had the baby and your marriage had failed? Or your health had got worse?

He should be more sensitive to your feelings but it sounds like this issue is one you can never agree on anyway (because you want one more child and he doesn’t) so then the option you’re left with is how to come to terms with your feelings around it. And that’s important to do.

Discussing it all with a stranger - a counsellor- will be better than keeping arguing about it with your husband.

He’s never wanted any children we’ve had I’ve always pushed him into all 3 and he’s a good dad. Just don’t see how he can be so heartless to me and revert back to his Coke days and I’m dealing with daily heartbreak alone.

No way should you bring another child into the equation with a coke head husband.

1/2 a month is basically every other week.

A baby won't fix things op. You need to look hard at what's going on here and protect your existing children.

He’s never wanted any children we’ve had I’ve always pushed him into all 3

Wow. That’s not at all normal or a healthy dynamic.

Jesus… as in he’s never been like oh let’s have more I’ve been the driving force!!