Siblings not talking

[Emiliana83]

Hello,
I am in need of advice as literally can't think of what to do.
My brother has 3 years ago married a woman he was previously dating for 6 months.
She, SIL has meet me once but has completely ignored me, turned her head away - he didnt see. That was when they first started going out. Then she had a huge row with him after a few months, insulted our whole family and he, afraid he will lose her, decided to propose.
Now, we were not against them dating (he was 30yo when he met her, his life), but we were very much opposed to letting someone in the house who clearly hates us and says horrible things about us. Even he admitted it was bad.

Before all this we were very close and then suddenly he just started cutting contact. At first we were quite polite but then as you can imagine, everythig went bad because no matter nice or not, she was always the victim.
Not to mention her family was always the best, suddenly we were made crazy and jealous (shocking!).

There hasnt been contact in over 3 years, they have one baby, and another on the way (mutual friend told us).
What is terrible that he is now saying awful things about us, lies, portraying us as problems and SIL as an angel who wasn't accepted in the family.

Ok you left the family. Yes, we yelled, threatened, pleaded.

But we stopped trying to talk to him and since then, he is throwing mud at us whenever he talks to someone.
I know he wont leave her, and all this has broken the hearts in our family.

How do we act now? Because his wife wont stop. She really does hate us and I assume the reason is she could not manipulate us same as she does him.
The lies are very bad and this is a knife into the wound that never healed.

Thanks...

I’d ignore it. What do the people who are important in your life believe? Their lies or know you well enough to see through them?

I decide who’s opinion is of value to me and if they’ve been disrespectful to the point of no contact I couldn’t give a fuck what they’re saying and have no regard for their opinions.

I’d be civil if I bump into them but not friendly.

I do agree but some of those lies are out of this world horrible. We have gotten too many under the eye looks lately. It's bothering the parents, it is their community after all.

Being 40 years old myself, I am ok with it. But my parents are falling apart.

What does a narcissist get out of it?

I've no idea what your SIL is getting out of this other than causing drama and having something to talk about - must mean her own life is pretty dull!

As for your parents, I can't imagine how difficult it is for them. But, equally, who is choosing to believe the lies over what they know about your parents? Are those people worth the angst? I'd talk to them about how they can defend their position without causing further conflict. But it will be an opportunity for them to see who their true friends are, maybe?