Stop me from caving in every time

[Lbnc2021]

I feel so stupid writing this 🙈

I met a man about 3 years ago. He is nice as in, he is a decent guy, good job, good sense of humour etc etc.

But he is a total flake. We have seen each other maybe 7 or 8 times. We go for a while without talking then we start taking again and have a great laugh, flirt like mad with each other. I do really physically fancy him but I think it’s partly down to the fact he’s made himself so far out of reach. We seen each other a couple of times a couple of weeks ago and were meant to meet up tonight but once again he flaked out. I’m so fed up with it. Anyone else I would be telling them to tell him to fuck off. I really am making a total fool of myself over this guy because I’m never like this with anyone else.

Please tell me you haven't been single and waiting for him for three years, and that you have been out with other people in that time?

Oh I’ve been single but I have been out with other people, I haven’t sat in waiting for him. I’m not really interested in a serious relationship with anyone.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/defining-assclowns-part-one/

Read this article on these types of men.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?
BTW was your own father emotionally unavailable or otherwise physically absent?

I know my dad loved me but he struggled a lot with physical affection because he never had any growing up.

my parents marriage was dreadful, my mother was an attention seeker and my dad would just cave in to her all the time even when she was so clearly in the wrong.

Your parents taught you a lot of damaging lessons about relationships and unsurprisingly you do not know what a mutually respectful relationship is. No one’s ever bothered to show you one of those and you still do not know. It’s not your fault your parents are the ways they are, you did not make them that way.

This man you’re with is indeed flaky and perhaps just another form of attention seeker. Do keep reading the baggage reclaim website along and do also consider getting some help to unlearn all the crap your parents taught you about relationships. Have a look at the BACP website.

Thank you, yes I’ve been glancing through the different posts so I’ll pick a few out to read.

You’re right though, I’ve never had what I would describe as a normal balanced relationship and it does get me down. I think I’m a nice person, I’m quite successful in my career, I’m told a lot I’m very attractive. It would just be nice to have a companion but at the same time I’m fed up being hurt and let down.

What was his reason for cancelling?

Last minute job apparently