friendships affected by fertility treatment?

[heathwho]

Has anyone else had friendships go really sour when thier friends have been going thro fertility treatment? i supported my best friend throughout years of her treatment listening to all her lows and frustrations and then once I got pregnant it all went seriously wrong and she had become so bitter and twisted she refused to acknowledge my baby even existed. Please don't spit fire at me if you are going for fertility treatment about being me selfish, ungrateful etc as I've heard this all before - to the point that it took away alot of the enjoyment of me having my baby. I just need to know whether this has happened to other people as well and how did they deal with it?

ah well, we'll never know, will we? dd could be a million to one shot and all i'll ever have because i'm totally raddled in there, or the one remaining tube could be absolutely fine. perhaps the first unlucky ectopic damaged the first tube and so caused the second one? we don't know... that's the lottery. but i'm not bleating that much, i've got dd and they were black days when i thought i might not ever have my own child.

God yes, I am so thankful every day for DS. I'm not sure I even want to try for another one as I feel complete as we are.

i would so desperately love another one, but it isn't going to happen, and it hurts just as much now as it did before dd arrived. when pregnant, i still kept thinking 'if' i am allowed a cuddle - seriously ivf just messes you up so much, as does infertility. i look back to those years as a time of complete despair & loneliness. it constantly felt like i was in a state of bereeavement & no-one else cared or acknoweldged the pain. you just have to back off & let people deal iwth it. i know people who've stopped visiting family, going out etc, because you just can't cope.
the worst thing for me was when other people were 'careless' about their babies - the sixth former i taught who still smoked, the friend who played extreme sports, seriously, if they're not going to nurture their unborn child, i'll have it for them.
i totally understand why women steal babies when they feel like this - it's part of the reason for cutting themselves off. if for one moment you let yourself love a child, you will never be able to let it go.
if you met me, you'd think i was sane, but after 7 years of waiting, that's how i felt.

Oh Kickass, I know where you're coming from. Like I said earlier, if our problems had gone on for much longer I think I'd have turned into a headcase - it was getting very close. I also know what you mean about feeling really angry at people who seem not to care about their babies/children. One of the things I found hardest of all was knowing of anyone who'd had an abortion.

I'm really sad for you that you're still feeling the same though. I have certainly felt a whole lot better since having DS, but then I conceived naturally. I guess that's the difference.

for you two... see, you're in that rubbish gang forever aren't you, it never goes away. bless those lucky bastards who just don't have a clue, though, i wish i was like them.

It was awful and to be honest i'm so worried about this pregnancy and am praying they get their babies.

I think these situations are so hard for everyone involved - the sadness affects everyone involved.
If anything you have to look on the positive and it makes you realise how lucky you are to have healthy children.

Sometimes i feel like a bitch for feeling hurt about how my SIL treated me because in the grand scale of life she has been through hell. The day i held my niece and nephew in hospital the day they were born was the worst day of my life, especially being able to feel my own baby moving inside me.

We just all have to acknowledge our feelings, on both sides as normal. I allow my SIL to treat me in a way i would not allow anyone else for one reason - there but by the grace of God go i and she is hurting.

i'm sure that although she can't say it, at some level she is profoundly grateful to be able to have you to almost lash out at, iykwim? i hope she gets those babies, lord i do... will you tell us when the time comes?

She has said that although she is jealous and angry at us she still counts me as one of the people she can talk to about it the twins with ease which i'm very touched by.

You can bet i'll be shouting it from the rooftops once they arrive safe and sound!

Oh, I've got everything crossed for her. How far on is she?

She is about 11wks but no bleeding this time and she seems much healthier. She is eating and drinking well and is feeling sick and being sick which is a good sign.

She has given up work and is resting. She found out just before xmas and we were all thrilled but shiting our pants now

just light duties for MrsO's SiL from now on, oh yes.

She is now a fan of Jeremy Vile and This Morning, a small price to pay to feel like she is doing everything she can. It will be a year in february since her 1st set of twins were born and i think being pregnant again now will help her cope with the pain.

Why is life so hard?

oh gosh, for her? i Do Not Know. it's wicked, isn't it, how badly some people have it. we see it on here, let's face it...

I'm hoping that they have had their fair share of crap and this time it will be ok.

I should add for the benefit of heathwho and jodie that I never did get pregnant and yes I am now able to look at babies again "But surely she can't go around avoiding babies forever???" but how long it takes varies by person and whether you are prepared to consider the alternatives like donor eggs, surrogacy and adoption.

TheReal MrsO - how aweful for your friend. My DS was born at 26 weeks and survived and (as far as we currently know) has nothing wrong with him at all. How heartbreaking for her, I think my "misfortune" of never being able to get pregnant was easier to bear than that.