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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want to escape

5 replies

Boymummy1401 · 14/10/2022 12:39

hi everyone

Ive been with OH for nearly 7 years, classic narcissist traits which unfortunately i have been too naive/manipulated by.
First year he was my dream guy, couldn't have treated me better and i felt like i had met the perfect man.
Since that first year it has gotten worse and worse, puts me down, no respect for me or our relationship.
He has been physical towards me on one occasion. The list of horrible things he has done would take me all day to write and i appreciate a lot of people will think well didn't you just leave but i think i kept hoping that the guy i met was going to come back.
I feel completely trapped, he works a lot and has an obsession with his football team and literally travels all over watching them (he has been on 10 European trips already this year). All his money and spare time is dedicated to this rather than me and the kids. We have one child together and i have a son from previous relationship. He speaks to me like crap and if i express how unhappy i am he just laughs and tells me to f**k off then. I made the mistake of putting him on my mortgage 3 years ago so he refuses to leave and i have nowhere to go and dont want to leave mine and the childrens home.
He has said that if i split up with him he will take me to court to try and take our son (2) to live in Australia with him as this is what he wants to do.
I have recently discovered he has been recording me without my knowledge but what he does is says/does things to wind me up and then when i get angry and respond (i know i shouldn't but im only human) he records it so it looks like im some crazy woman. I found a recording of me getting into bed because he had put the phone in the wardrobe. He has hacked my phone before too.
The final straw was last week, both kids were unwell and i asked him on the morning not to go to his football because of this, he started a row with me and said he was going anyway and left. I ended up taking my eldest to hospital and he had to have brain MRI because he was so unwell and i had to drop our 2 year old off at his grandmas whilst he was also unwell with a chest infection crying because he wanted mummy or daddy. I contacted him during the day to come home but he was drunk by that point. He left at 9:30am and didn't return until 1am.
I want to get away from this man, my children are my life and i cant stand living like this much longer and i hate how he makes me react and then he laughs because ive given him what he wants. His own parents want nothing to do with him because of how he is towards them and other people.
any advice would be greatly appreciated x

OP posts:
NorthernPops · 14/10/2022 12:46

Wtf

Fucked up situation

Sorry to hear x

Musti · 14/10/2022 12:46

Hi op, you need legal advice. But yes definitely split up with the abusive bastard

Anydaynowonewouldhope · 14/10/2022 12:47

Call womens aid

he won’t be able to take your son to Australia btw

Cantthinkofanewnameatm · 14/10/2022 13:33

He sounds awful.
Cannot see a court allowing him to take a child to Australia. Does your LO have a passport? If so hide it or give it to someone you trust for safe keeping.
Legal advice to sort the mortgage out.
Contact Women’s Aid for their wisdom.

Mybingoballs · 05/08/2023 00:36

He CANT take your son to Australia btw

also he can’t make you move out the house as you have children under a certain age and legality reasons. My ex tried doing this (he even sounds exactly like him to be honest)

I’d be on to child maintenance service to (this is the new CSA child support agency) 0800 171 2345 get claiming!

and the mortgage company to see how much to take him off it! (If you can do as not sure of your situation money wise)

tell a family member about what’s going on or even him family mum dad? (As they know what’s he’s like they might help you?)

start voice recording him when he starts being shity with you (but without him knowing as you don’t want him going off on one) then you have evidence and keep all your texts, voicemails etc… as if you can’t prove anything it’s going to be hard as he has the recordings of you if it went to court or something.

has he got a criminal record as the 99% wouldn’t let him in to Australia anyways.

get legal advice ASAP

Hope it helps ease your mind a little your not alone ♥️

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