Different communication expectations

[Sugaspunsista]

I've had a long distance relationship with a man for 16 months.
We used to talk more in the early days ( chasing days I guess).
He's always said he's terrible at communicating but it really hurts my feelings.
If I send a WhatsApp message and he reads it but doesn't respond for days I feel like he doesn't care. We have ended up getting close to breaking up several times over this.

There are a few reasons I feel insecure in this relationship. I just wondered how do people deal with different communication expectations??
When we are together it's great... but that's only about once a month

It sounds like you’re not very compatible

Has anyone managed to stop panicking or getting sad over a lack of communication?

Leave him and move on. You will make yourself miserable over this and a new relationship shouldn't be miserable

You don't want to be in a relationship where you are only happy in it once a month. Something isn't right, your gut is probably telling you something.

Surely in a ldr communication is key?

How long distance is long distance? If you are a 3 hour plane journey apart, unless you are both incredibly keen, it's never going to work. If it's a 2 hour drive, so could work if you tried, sounds like you are a booty call when he's got time.

Years ago i dated a policeman and he was like this, no mobile phones then. He left it so long to call I gave up and met someone else then after 4-5 weeks he did call wondering why he hadn't heard 🤦‍♀️

We both have children. Mine are older but his son is only 6 and he has him at least every other weekend and holidays.
When we do talk it is usually for hours on the phone but I'd rather he just responded to a text sometimes ...sometimes he does bot not often. He says he would rather speak on phone.
When we do spend a weekend together it's intense and so much fun. We have said we love each other
I guess I know the answer really though.

He's a 3 hour drive away

I am in a LDR with someone a very long way away (23 hours by plane) we meet 3-4 times a year for 1-3 months but inbetween we talk every day, either by ongoing text conversations and also actual calls / video calls most days, even if it's just for half an hour while. LDR is hard enough but without communication it would fall apart, even with people who are very keen.

It’s possible your comms preferences aren’t compatible.

I piss people off by going off comms. Not for weeks, but sometimes I just want 48h to myself. For others this level of communication isn’t acceptable and they expect several daily texts and a response within minutes. I’d feel overwhelmed and controlled by that. Neither of us are unreasonable really, just different.

You are making the mistake of thinking that there is a problem with your expectations that needs to be fixed. There isn’t a problem with you, the problem is that he is not meeting your needs.