New guy - depression?

[onlysometimes]

I recently met someone on OLD. We were speaking everyday via text/phone calls for the first 2-3 weeks then met up a few times, all good. I enjoyed spending time with him, thought he was funny and wanted to get to know him better, then out of the blue he decided he didn't want a relationship due to his depression/head being all over the place. I'm glad he was honest and told me, but it was only because we were due to meet up again and he kept messing me around and being really vague so I asked him if something was wrong and he said he didn't want to string me along and that he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship yet. I did understand (I've suffered with depression myself over the years) and he told me it had nothing to do with me as a person which I did believe. We left on good terms and both moved on. A month later, out of the blue he contacted me to say he was sorry and felt like he'd made a huge mistake. He said he thought I was a good person, missed spending time with me and wanted to know if he'd screwed his chances of something happening between us.

I told him I was happy to try again and start over as long as he was sure he was ready to date as I did like him and enjoyed his company. We've been speaking all week and everything's been fine. We both work Monday-Friday with weekends off so I suggested we meet up, go for lunch and catch up properly. He's being really vague again and has said he's still sorting his head out and will let me know. I'm not sure what to make of that really. I completely understand he's dealing with his depression (he hasn't gone into detail about his problems and I don't want to push him) and I'm very sympathetic to that as like I said I've dealt with it before myself, but I'm not sure how we're suppose to date or possibly start a relationship if he can't actually commit to seeing me and spending time with me. I feel frustrated because he's the one who contacted me and basically asked for a second chance!

I don't think it's anything sinister such as he's married or anything. I do genuinely believe he's suffering but I don't know what to do. He seems like such a sweet, caring man but I'm not sure where to go from here. Any advice?

He's a fuckwit. Do yourself a huge favour and move on. Seriously, life is way too short to waste on men like this

Do you really want or need the constant indecision on his part, regardless of whether he's being genuine or not? I'd understand you're reluctance to let it go if it was a long-term partner who had recently been diagnosed with depression and wanted to support but are you really that emotionally invested in this 'situationship'.

If you really would like to see if this has legs, make it clear that you'll be getting on with your life, seeing friends, dating etc until and unless he's in a position to make the time and effort to spend time with you. Make sure you don't turn into something he does of a weekend when he has nothing better to do

I'm fed up already tbh! It feels like I'm begging him to spend time with me. Just not sure why he even bothered to get back in touch if he wasn't serious

Well, there's your answer. Nobody should have to feel they're begging for someone's time or attention. Please move on instead of always wondering if this is the weekend you're going to see him. You deserve more. I understand he's going through some personal stuff but regardless of that, he should know better than to give false hope or keep you on the back burner until he sorts all this out. Let him concentrate on getting himself back on an even keel and if you're both still single at that point, then maybe try a date then.

Even if it is all genuine and down to his depression, I couldn't be bothered with it, you owe this man nothing.

He was just checking you were still an option. He's a nasty man, hedging his bets.

Block and delete, find someone who deserves you

Throw this one back. Whether it’s the depression or just how he is, if you have to chase this much, it’s no relationship.

I would not want to date someone with depression. Throw this one back.

He's a flakey fuckwit jerking you around and you're allowing this. Just stop already. Tell him youre not interested and block him.

Don't bother then.

Depression is a difficult thing to manage on both sides when you've been in a committed relationship for qmny years. I wouldn't go into a relationship knowing this of the other person akd5 I say that as someone who has mental health difficulties.

It's not your job to help or save him and he's already messing you about.

Essentially, he's not bothered about putting you off him. This is either because he isn't in a place to care at the moment or because he's looking for someone who'll put up with the drama.

I'm not proud but I've done both of those things in the past and you're not really even aware you're doing it at the time.

And you don't want to he the other person in either scenario.

Sounds like he's stringing you along while he pursues other options, and using mental health issues to do so. Don't waste anymore time on him.

This is classic 'he's just not that into you' territory, sorry.

If he wanted to be with you, he would be. This early in your relationship, he'd move heaven and earth to meet up if he thought he'd have a chance to be intimate with you.

Look at his actions, his words are irrelevant. I actually bought the book by the way, it's cheesy as hell but I felt soooooo seen by it. I could punch my old self in the face for putting up with flaky men.

He's keeping his options open. OLD makes them think they can line us up.

Another flake....throw this one back.

He was reaching out as he needed energy and attention - is someone still there waiting for me? Oh yes good, I can go back to my lair now! He’s just stealing your energy and attention - sorry

Even if you gave him the benefit of the doubt, he’s clearly not in a position to date, and rather than expecting strangers to take on his issues, he should be taking himself off the market until he’s got himself in a better place.

Because he was boundary testing you to see what you'd tolerate.

You gave him a second chance & he's STILL messing you about.
That's got nothing to do with depression & everything to do with manners.

This man wants you at his beck & call, on HIS terms only.
Ditch him, forget him, move on.

Run and don’t look back. You’ll be run down before you know it.

I have been in this exact situation, first time I gave him a second chance, second time, nope, I'm not to be messed about, blocked.

He can't even commit to a lunch date!Can you imagine a whole relationship like that! I would send one last text saying I'm moving on myself and wishing him luck then block.No need to discuss, he's not able to have a relationship and that's that!

He appears to be keeping his options open. You're worth more than this idiot. Block and move on.