Trigger warning baby loss

[Rach1203]

I’m so tired I have no idea where to begin, my marriage is/has fallen apart, married 3 years together 5 we have 2 children.
I think I made a big mistake even though I love this man and I thought I supported him well as he never used to leave his house but he said it wasn’t me and all I’ve done is give him loads of crap. we’ve never gone on a date, never had any romantic marriage proposal. used to buy me flowers but not so much any more. I’m a sahm with baby’s and his the bread winner

I will admit in the few years I was helping him battle, I did say I can’t do it no more and tried calling the relationship off this led to suicide threats so I stayed and kept trying to help we lost baby’s less then a year after at 6 weeks, I was hospitalised while he was out in the pubs and being around an ex gf (I would of left but I loved him) I feel I’ve been put through hell with him and his family. There’s so much pain on my part I thought I could get through. I had my child and we wed and shortly after had another child. But this year he was going through some crap with his family and child and I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant. I thought he didn’t need the added stress and we both agreed but I really didn’t want to do it. I hate myself so much I want to just end it all, I feel I’ve betrayed myself and I can’t get over it. A year later I fell pregnant again whilst on the pill but it ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks. I had to go for multiple scans and see the baby moving and a slow heart beat to no heart beat. Medical management didn’t work so 2 1/2 weeks later I had to have surgery in may. I just can’t cope with the losses even though everyone keeps telling me I need to move on including my husband.

I broke down tonight and told him how suicidal I feel and all he keeps doing is saying his depressed as all I’ve done is spoke to him like crap and have a go at him for working 6 days a week 12 hr days, when I really keep trying to tell him I feel so unsupported and depressed and struggling with my mental health as well as looking after a baby and a child with additional needs.

After I asked him to tell me if there’s anything good about me as his just listed everything wrong about me and he just said I’m having a go again and couldn’t tell me.

I have no idea on what to do with everything. I do love him and I don’t want to become a single parent and break our family up but I just feel so alone! My chest hurts so bad I feel like I’m having a heart attack it’s been like this for weeks.

If you're in the UK can you contact your local crisis line? www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

You need to get in contact with your GP and ask for help. They might give you antidepressants or refer you on for counselling.

You need to deal with your mental health first OP and then you'll be able to tackle your relationship. Take it one step at a time.

You can find support after a miscarriage here: www.nhs.uk/conditions/miscarriage/afterwards/

I sympathize and you need to go to the Drs for some support. You also need to sort out better birth control

I’ll try get an appointment today thank you. Birth control was done last month I had my tubes done

@Rach1203 so sorry for your loss op. Put yourself first in the immediate time- starting now - so you can take some steps to breathe and seek support for yourself. Can you see your GP and talk about your mental health? Do you have any family support or good friends who can help you with childcare so you can have some time for yourself or who you can talk to? Your DH doesn’t sound like he is being very supportive - that is a problem for another day if you are feeling so low now that must be the priority. So sorry to hear you are feeling so down - it’s totally understandable given what you’ve been through. Please talk to someone close to you and there’s the Samaritans aswell and Womens Aid who also could help you. Gingerbread is another brilliant charity for parents who offer a lot of support Xxx

Thank you I’m going to try get hold of my gp today. I don’t have any family and my friend works a lot and has her own child she’s always on the phone but lives in a diff town, other then nursery for my older child, I don’t get a break or time to myself unless DH home and I lock myself in the bathroom have a long bath.

I’m so sorry for your losses. 💐
I think for now concentrate on getting well, see your GP, talk to MH support.
Safly I think your relationship is very unhealthy and uneven. He relies on you, but you’re not allowed to be ill ? I think you’d be better off without him, he’s dragging you down.

@Cantthinkofanewnameatm i have an emergency appointment in a couple of hours, this is exactly how it feels for me, don’t get me wrong I do love him but I can’t ever express myself as his is always worse and last night he compared my loses to a child that don’t want to see him and I explained his child is very much alive where as I will never get even hold mine.