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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Upset by comments

6 replies

ErinAoife · 13/10/2022 19:08

Since three weeks ago, I am going to yoga with my ex sil (we are good friend and I get on well with ex family) once a week. The first time I asked my 16y old son to mind my 8y daughter. When I came back home at 9pm daughter was outside my son did not look after her at all , I wasn't happy with it. Rang my ex sil to tell her that I won't be doing yoga anymore and explain why. She said to go to yoga with her and that her mom (my ex mil) will mind my daughter. Came 2nd week, drop daughter, went yoga, everything was fine no issue daughter watched TV with her grandmother, no bother. 3rd week when I came in ex mil asked why my son is not minding my daughter and it upset me and has been on my mind all the time since. I struggle with depression since my marriage broke up, I don't go out much, their dad only takes them during his designated time, if I ask him to look after them outside his designated time, he always tell me he cannot as not available and he is entitled to his free time. For him, when I have them it is my responsibility to sort them out,. But on his side when he booked holiday during his designated time and he doesn't take the kids he just tell me he is not available. Ex MIL fully know the situation so it did upset me her comment especially when herself and my sil was telling me not to give up yoga. I only ask them to mind my daughter when I don't have a choice which is very rare.

OP posts:
category12 · 13/10/2022 19:21

"Because he's a teenager who let me down last time I asked him, ex-MIL, and I'd rather not have that happen again. If you're happy to babysit dd so I can go to yoga, that would be fab, but if not, that's OK too".

Try not to let it get to you. Just let it go over your head.

Isittrueornot · 13/10/2022 19:36

Let it go over your head, totally worth it for the yoga in my opinion.

ErinAoife · 13/10/2022 19:59

I know I should let it go but I am so fed up and it get me down. It is hard for me to do anything as I don't want to impose, I always feel that I am a burden on other since my breakup due to my depression. I don't have many friends and the ones I have are busy with their own life, we meet up maybe three times a year in person otherwise interaction is online. I am afraid to visit people, when kids are at their dad for his designated weekend, I spend most of it in bed. Outside work, I don't have much contact with people so it was a huge step for me to go to to yoga.

OP posts:
category12 · 13/10/2022 20:53

This is the voice of your depression though, telling you all those things about how you're a burden and an imposition and not worthy. It's not the truth.

You deserve some nice things in your life, and yoga will be good for you.

Ex-MIL is your dd's granny and may not have meant to make you feel like this or put you back. It's not really an imposition to ask this, not an imposition to sit with her dgd and watch telly for a bit. And she can say no.

Don't let a few misplaced words stop you doing something nice for yourself.

category12 · 13/10/2022 21:03

And have a go at planning something like meeting up with a friend for the next weekend your dc are with their dad, (or book yourself a massage or haircut or whatever to your taste) something to look forward to and treat yourself with. x

OldFan · 13/10/2022 21:03

PP is right @ErinAoife , this is stuff you're thinking because you're not yourself.

Maybe MiL just forgot what happened with your son's attempts at babysitting for a moment. I can easily forget all sorts of things temporarily until someone reminds me.

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