Early dating advice

[summersunshine46]

I’ve been dating a guy now for a month.
Im never really interested in people but I really like him. He’s told me he really likes me, he accidentally said ‘I love you’ he said he was meant to say ‘I love this’ but it come out wrong.

ive been playing it pretty cool with him and then last night I said ‘I quite like you’, felt like I was letting my huge walls and guard down a little. I stayed at his last night and he said he is meeting up with someone tonight. Normally he says Im meeting such and such . So I asked him a little later I said oh what you doing then later he said oh I’m just getting train and meeting an old friend I’ve not seen her for ages. All last night and all this morning he’s been constantly on his phone (he’s never really on his phone) smiling. I can’t help but think he’s going on a date.

to be fair to him we haven’t discussed exclusivity so I suppose I can’t really say anything. But I’m thinking why tell me all those things and still potentially see other people. I want to send him a message but don’t know how to word it or what to say ?

HOnestly just ask him if you are exclusive and if he says no you will have your answer as to what he is doing this evening.

I wouldn't believe it's just a friend either, exclusive chat or not, this is the time to make your best impressions and make the other person feel they are only interested in you.

This girl aside, one month in, I think it's unusual to have phones out in each other's company. It still should be so exciting to be together. Ten years down the line, sure, phones are more interesting, one month in, absolutely not. Maybe I'm just too old though and it's a generational thing.

That’s what has bothered me because normally he never has his phone out and just seen a change in behaviour

we can just feel it can’t we, did you meet this person online?

@Daisytigermay yeah met him
online

Just ask..he shouldn't be going on another date.

Rookie mistake. Never get intimate with someone before having the exclusivity talk.

He’s acting really rude if he’s on his phone smiling while you are there. I’d pack and leave him to it.

i might just ask him if he’s seeing other people. I text him yesterday and said I do like him and asked him where his head was at and he replied with this. I don’t know whether his response was too vague or genuine.

Ask him directly, he's very vague isn't he!

Hmm it’s a pleasant response but very non-committal. It sounds like he wants something casual at this stage. Maybe it’s too early to talk about feelings but I don’t think he should be arranging to see other women in front of your nose.

Did you post the other day/last week op? I remember a post where the guy had accidentally said "I love you" instead of "I love this"...but there were also quite a few red flags aside from this and the op was worried he was a player

@pinkpanel yes that was me lol

I have wasted far too much energy in the past with talking that’s not going to lead to anything that will progress, absolutely be clear in what you want and be clear if you don’t want him or yourself dating others.

I think this is another red flag OP and he is deliberately trying to make you jealous.
Nothing wrong with dating other people if you haven’t had the exclusivity chat but it should be done with discretion. I think he is looking for a reaction from you. I would suggest this:

Tell him you hope his date goes well, run and block.

@Yetanothernamechangeagain why do you think he would be trying to make me jealous? A player thing?

It’s a tactic abusive men use. He’s done the live bombing with the pretend accidental “I love you” and now he’s trying to make you feel insecure so that when he “picks” you, you are grateful and prepared to put up with more crap from him.

I’m not saying this is definitely the case here but be very careful. I think he is playing games to see how you react.

Not being funny but this is your fourth thread about this guy.

It shouldn't be this angsty in the honeymoon period

You had some incredible advice (as always) from the brilliant watchkeys.

I would reread that. And maybe see your counsellor again.

If you're trying to guess at what he's thinking or feeling, and can't ask/don't manage to get a satisfactory answer, he's not for you. Not unless you want a husband a few years down the line that you have to come on MN to work out.

A healthy relationship doesn't start with 'What's going on with this guy?' and 'I think he might be seeing someone else' on a forum. Healthy relationships start and continue with 'God, I didn't realise I could be this comfortable!', and 'It's always seemed so complicated until I met you!'

What's he mean by not part of his plan, so I guess he wasn't looking for a relationship? He sounds very vague, tbh I wouldn't put too much hope into this

@minticecreamisjustok he only come
oit of a marriage in July so thinking he doesn’t want anything serious, but whether that’s changing with how he worded his text message I’m not sure

Yeah his messages suggest he wants a situationship with you. It's vague because he likes how it is and doesn't want it to end right now or go any further at this current stage.

The accidental love you could be because he was recently married and things like that are said so freely I can see how the brain could make slip ups.

The thing about dating apps is like all apps they are a bit addictive and some people just get such a buzz out of it and ego boost they carry on meeting other people etc. He's come out of a marriage 6 months ago he isn't ready for a commited relationship but also probably doesn't know how or want to be alone.

Him mentioning a female friend he hasn't seen in years and smiling at his phone a lot in your presence when he had kept his phone away, tells you everything.
He's so excited to see her he even told you. Mentionitus I think Mumsnet calls it.

I just came out of a long term relationship and I've had a male friend I have known for years who's in a relationship make a pass for me and desperate to meet up again now I'm single. It's most likely a omg he's finally single and he's always liked this friend situation. I put money on it.

You need to keep your options open I think OP.

M