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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce

8 replies

Jolaine · 13/10/2022 14:52

Hi there looking for advice. In process of divorce 2 young children (at school).

Financially Im not in greatest position small income currently from self employment and uc but managed to buy ex out of family home (with large mgage) with family help.
To me at the time this seemed best option as kids been through a lot of upheaval already and affecting oldest behaviour wise. There was also pressure of us losing the house completely due to exs debts (had a habit of going off on his own buying expensive things).

So, now I'm in family home (very modest) and ex got roughly 35000 equity which is around 13000 less than he would have got had house sold at market value.

He wants to use most of this to pay off debts and then buy his own home. He has a good job. Exact income undisclosed.

We are yet to go through financial settlement but because he was generous with home equity he does not want to contribute maintenance
or pension and no shares either which he also has. He also has a few other valuable assets but apparently he owes money on them .

Childcare he sees one child once a week with stay over but sometimes no times a week and other child he sees one evening with stay but drop off at mine and every other weekend...

This would be easier if I knew exactly where ibstood with his finances but he's never been open that way.

Together app 10 years but married about 4 excluding separation.

Thoughts welcome as to what would be fair

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 13/10/2022 14:57

He needs to pay maintenance for his kids. Chances are the equity wouldn’t have been split 50/50 given you need to house the kids so his reduction in equity doesn’t absolve him from maintenance.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/10/2022 15:00

"We are yet to go through financial settlement but because he was generous with home equity he does not want to contribute maintenance or pension and no shares either which he also has".

Generous my arse. He is many things but generous he is not. He could well be trying to shaft you.

I am sure he does not want to contribute but that is not up to him to decide. What has your Solicitor advised to date re a financial settlement?. I would also consider using the services of a forensic accountant as well. Apart from anything else, maintenance is for his children and indeed he is financially responsible for them so he is quite happy to see them financially suffer too. Some dad he is.

I would also look into formalising all contact arrangements via the court system. What they have is inconsistent and this is not their best interests.

Cantthinkofanewnameatm · 13/10/2022 15:01

No, he doesn’t get off financially supporting his children just because he took a bit of a dip in the equity.
Please make sure you speak to a good solicitor, don’t sign anything your ex asks you to, don’t agree to anything without legal advice first.

Jolaine · 14/10/2022 19:03

Thanks for the advice all. Yeah he doesn't seem bothered about the boys suffering at all. Think his idea is that all the good stuff will be at his/ with him🤷‍♀️. He's definitely always been a have your cake and eat it person so I do need a good lawyer but don't want to be paying over odds for it as definitely don't have much spare cash now.

OP posts:
B1rd · 14/10/2022 19:11

£13K for 2 boys up to they leave school is sod all. He hasn't paid for selling fees either.
My ex pays £100 for our DD each month and he doesn't have to because he has her 50% of the time. But he helps buy 50% of her clothes and dinner money.

Jolaine · 14/10/2022 20:04

It does help to see how much I'm being short changed here...better get ready to fight mine and the kids corner. My hope is to at least get him to agree to maintenance. It's bugging me a bit at the moment as he keeps saying how much he'll be able to treat the boys to holidays with fiancee, which is all well and good but youngest has only ever stayed a couple nights over at his and hes nearly 5😶. I want the kids to have experiences with their dad (good ones) but it has got me worrying.

OP posts:
LunaMoon21 · 11/02/2023 05:04

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This has been deleted by MNHQ as spam.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 11/02/2023 08:49

Child maintenance isn't optional and is completely separate to a financial settlement - unless he's over the threshold for cm and it has to go to court to calculate anyway!

Use the cm calculator online to see what you should be entitled to using rough figures if you don't know his exact income - and then get your application in as they'll do it through his HMRC.

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