Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Resentment

4 replies

KangarooKenny · 13/10/2022 12:39

How do you let go of resentment ?
I think I could tick along nicely with DH if I could. I hate not feeling settled, it’s like I’m constantly waiting for it to end.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/10/2022 12:50

IME I need to accept my own part in the situation. In some cases that will be that I engaged in an argument when I should have walked away, or that I behaved badly and the person I resent witnessed this. Sometimes it's that the person I resent has a behaviour or trait which I dislike in myself.

Sometimes I have been wronged and my part is simply that I enabled or excused their behaviour and I am now hanging on to it, long afterwards, which is damaging both of us.

Sometimes the end result is that I have to leave that relationship as my resentment is highlighting that it's not a healthy one.

Original poster
KangarooKenny · 14/10/2022 06:55

Anyone managed to get over it, or should I just accept it and move in ?

OP posts:
Original poster
KangarooKenny · 14/10/2022 06:56

*on

OP posts:
SpanishSteps123Ole · 14/10/2022 07:06

It depends hugely on what the resentment is about but in general I find

  • acknowledging my contribution and role in what happened
  • recognising and admitting my own faults and transgressions with them or others. nobody is perfect
  • changing the narrative from 'poor me I don't deserve this, I've been so good to them' to putting myself in the other's shoes and try to see it from their point of view. Finding compassion for them and for myself
  • realising I have options and I choose to be with them for a specific reason(s) so I'm not as powerless or stuck
  • I try to see why it benefits me to let go (so I can be happier or so I can co-exist or co parent with them effectively)
  • I try and focus on what good I could get out of the situation, what positive message or change I can bring and to be really honest about my values and what is important to me.
  • Talk to someone I trust or journal about how I feel to help me process my feelings. I think somethings are felt more acutely because they trigger memories of something else so it may go deeper than the 'situation' I'm initially upset about. For example, it may remind me of my father's cheating when my husband cheats.
New posts on this thread. Refresh page