Struggling to move on. Nothing compares

[cantmoveon792]

i was only with my ex for a year but the way it begun was absolutely magical. I never had any doubts about how he felt, everything was so easy and he wasted no time making me his girlfriend. He treated me like gold on our dates etc.

We had a horrible breakup in June and I’m still so heartbroken. He said he couldn’t put up with some of my anxieties and he ended it terribly. He didn’t communicate this with me properly (he mentioned it but said he’d never leave) and then one day he kicked me out after I’d JUST moved in as he decided he’d had enough - for me this was out of nowhere. I literally never heard from him again.

I’ve started to go on dates again and I’m so upset today because they just don’t compare. I went on a second date last night and he didn’t ask many questions about me, I just felt a bit anxious and a bit down about it. I remember mine and my exes second date and it was the easiest thing in the world.

I know I should remember how he treated me at the end, but I can’t help but compare everyone. I feel like I’ll genuinely never find a connection like that again and I feel so shit.

How do I move on?!

It just takes time. I know that isn't super helpful and the one thing I found useful is to remind myself I can't feel like that forever.

Maybe don’t date
as June is fairly recent
and inevitably someone who’s not ideal will make
you sad and disrupt healing ❤️‍🩹

if you are anxious and lost him for that
maybe pause dating and instead look into the anxiety and patterns ?

but trust me dating now is going to be self harm
take a break and work on yourself , cheesy but TRUE

You will move on. In the meantime, you have to focus on you. Don't define yourself with a relationship. Decide what you want from life, invest in yourself. You mention your anxiety - look at tackling that. Not for anyone else but for you - that must stop you enjoying life. A fantastic book that helped my recovery is Susan Jeffers Feel the Fear and do it anyway.

Best of luck. You might not believe it now but you will come out of this happier and stronger.

My ex was like this and similarly waited til I'd given up my flat and was a couple of days from moving in to tell me it was over. I was devastated for about a year, met my next ex and I felt it was lacklaster for a while but I started to forget him and nowt happy now I look back with annoyance.

It was just lovebombing and none of it was real. Men like that expect everything to be like the amazing first couple of months but it just can't be and I bet they do it repeatedly.

@Dontknownow86 omg I gave up my flat too!! Sorry that happened to you as I know how horrible that must have been.
Yeah I do think my ex loved the idea of it all, and when things got more serious/he saw relationships weren’t all fake roses and rainbows he bolted.

At the same time though it felt so easy and that’s how it should be… I miss the feeling!

Just been feeling so so sad all day

Are you the poster that moved in with his parents, and then bumped into him at a concert?

If so I really don’t think you’re ready to date yet, you need to be happy single first.

Sorry you feel like this. You don’t always meet someone else. My ex dumped me 25 years ago and I never met anyone else. I got married and had kids but I settled because I was running out of time. I never found anyone else who I loved. It’s perfectly possible to get on with your life and even have a family without finding love, it’s not essential.

I think maybe that feeling of it being really easy and how it should be was because it was fake? He was behaving how he thought you wanted him to behave, you weren't seeing the "real" him. The way he ended it shows that he wasn't a nice person, deep down.

In my experience, the ones that are a slow burner at first end up being more deep and meaningful in the long run.