Husband and I have nearly been married a year, and over the last few weeks I keep thinking back to our wedding and am full of sadness.
Although I sound ungrateful, and hate to say it to family members for fear of upsetting them, my wedding was not the day I wanted. I wanted a very small day - witnesses only at a registry office, and a small romantic meal after. I have social anxiety and didn’t want a big day at all. My OH was pretty insistent we did something “small with friends and family” but it ended up with around 80 guests, and was very stressful.
I ended up taking the reigns with most the arrangements (I’m a SAHP & OH works full time), and my mum also helped. I made a huge wedding cake (it took me a full week before the wedding!) and had to assemble it on the day so I only had 5 minutes to get dressed and makeup on. Was almost late to the ceremony!
I was also pregnant, and charged with caring for our toddler - I didn’t have a hen do (my maid of honour turned up hung over to the small tea and cake my mum ended up arranging at the last minute), whilst my OH had a full stag do away for the weekend with all his mates and had an amazing time. My OH got a fancy meal out the night before the big day with his mates - I was left setting up the wedding venue and caring for our child. He had a big breakfast before the big day - I ended up again sorting cake and venue.
I feel bad because, at the time, I just sort of went along with everything. I have made small jokes that he owes me a big hen do like his, but he doesn’t seem to understand that I’m still a bit sad I never got a proper wedding build up, or could even have a glass of fizz on the day. I know that a lot of that is my responsibility- I should have spoken up more at the time, or just decided to marry post-baby. I wish I could change the day, and have been more insistent about doing it more how I wanted.
To top it off, our toddler tantrumed through most the reception, I never actually got to eat a slice of our wedding cake (and what was left got forgotten and went off), and my sister in law got insanely drunk and puked in the main entryway and passed out. It was cordoned off whilst we tried to help her, delayed our exit of the wedding, and meant we went straight to bed as our kid was screaming her head off. I never got a proper apology, and was dropped off with a bag of vomit covered blankets and spare clothes I had lent her the following day without even a note. I made it clear I was upset at the time, but I still haven’t managed to forgive that yet - it really was the cherry on the cake of a bad day.
At the time, I decided to just move on from the day and focus on married life, but with our anniversary coming up, I just feel sad that we’re celebrating a day that didn’t feel very special. I