I think I hate my parents

[OngoingCrisis]

I feel guilty for feeling this way.

Also this may be long so tyia for reading.

Dad left when I was about 7/8, had my half sister (don't really have a relationship with her due to distance). After being away for a couple of years (only saw him twice during that time) , be decided to come back. He moved about 5 minutes away from us but hardly ever saw him. Our relationship has been on and off since he originally left but he's sort of making an effort now, however, I still feel resentful towards him and upset. Things seem to only go well if I initiate contact. I went through a lot of trauma as a child whilst he had moved away and he didn't come back once to check on me and his reason was that my baby sister was more of a priority.

Mom, although she has been the one to raise me alone and take care of me, feed me, clothe me etc, I feel like I've never had emotional support from her. Whenever I'm going through depression or just feeling down she says things like "do you have any idea how your depression affects me?" "When you're like this, you make me not was to come home because you're so negative" "I hate when you're upset because it stresses me out". I feel like she's silencing me in a way but then she'll say things like "why don't you ever talk to me?".

Yesterday, we had an argument. She has a boyfriend (together 3 years) and he has a son. I've never met him in all this time. I mentioned that I feel a bit left out because when she goes to see her boyfriend and his son is there too, it sort of feels like she has a new family. I know I probably sound like a child and I'm willing to be told I'm being unreasonable or irrational. Anyway, after I said I feel left out, she had a right go at me and said "see, you've made me had a go at you because of something you've said, this has all been bottled up and now you're probably going to cry".

Not really sure what I'm looking for but I feel very alone.

Anyone?

It took me a long time to get past the guilt
of not liking or loving my mother.

I don’t hate her … I just don’t have any feelings. And happily I don’t feel guilty because I had great reasons. I’d love to go NC with her but I wouldn’t leave me Dsis to deal with her alone.

I really limit contact with her. Living 2000km away has helped hugely 😁

Your parents have both failed you - your father pretty much abandoned you and your mother, although physically present, is no emotional support whatsoever. And it's obviously very hard for you especially as they both seem to be prioritising their other families/connections, so your feelings are entirely valid.

I doubt if there is any 'fixing' this, as neither of them seem to have any insight into the damage caused or any wish to improve things, so you would have to ask yourself what YOU want, going forward. Are you willing to accept whatever it is they can offer limited though it is and keep your emotional distance to avoid further hurt, or do you take the lead and just back off from them and make your own way through life without them. You could maintain whatever contact with them that suits you but be very clear to them that relationships will be on your terms because you can no longer rely on them.

Ignore any attempts to make you feel guilty. Parents basically have one job - neither of yours has managed to make a decent fist of it.

You seem pretty hard on your mother - but you've only given a snapshot and I'm probably projecting my own mother issues on you.

You don't have to like or love your parents OP.

May I suggest you have some decent therapy to help you work through your feelings? If you can afford it, the Hoffman Process is life changing for family issues

Thanks for your replies I just feel so sad. I'm still living at home and I keep day dreaming of the day I can leave home and nobody will know where I am. I find it really hard to be around my parents. I'm 24 years old and I feel like I'm still a little kid who wants her parents