I’m in desperate need of some advice! There is a hell of a lot to say but I’m going to try and keep it as short as possible! I have been with my partner for 3 years and have a 1 year old together. Everything was great until I fell pregnant and then the real him came out, manipulative, controlling, alcoholism, addiction to pain killers. Then messages to other women. I split with him for a few months then took him back with all the promises of changing and getting help for his alcohol and drug problem (he went to the doctors to get referred for help but 6 months later he never has) he has always had a good way of making me believe what he says! I had a bit of a breakdown after I found out he was messaging another woman just after our baby was born, I suffered with depression and anxiety (which I’ve never had before) spoke with a counsellor and explained in a lot more detail (which I won’t do here as it would take too long)who said I was being emotionally and mentally abused. He has completely ground me down! I’m not the confident person I used to be anymore! He had a good way of making me think the things he done were my fault or made me think I was going crazy and didn’t see or hear the things I had! Makes up lies to try get me to distance away from people I’m close too. I always thought I was such a strong person and I’m so upset with myself that I’ve allowed him to do this to me! But now my problem is not whether I should be with this man! I DO NOT remotely want to be with him anymore, my eyes have been well and truly opened to exactly what he is! ! But my problem is this:
when Ive left him before he constantly gets wasted everyday and turns nasty! Really nasty! Threatens to kill himself (which I know is emotion blackmail) but also threatens to take my son away, and he will try, not because he wants him or is worried that I can’t care for him, he will do it just to have that last bit of control over me! now I know he can’t just do that without good reason and he doesn’t remotely have one, so I’m not worried at all he will get custody! my worry is if he gets visiting rights to see his son or even overnight, with how mentally unstable he is when I leave him and how much he drinks, I’m petrified something will happen to my son if he’s left in his care. I think he also drink drives as well (but I can’t prove that) and I’m worried he’ll drive my son around whilst Under the influence of drink or too many painkillers. I have kept messages from over the last year that can prove that he is an alcoholic and just how nasty he can turn.
I don’t want to stop him having a relationship with his son but I want it to at least be supervised with family or something but I don’t know if the messages I have will be enough to prove he is not fit to have him on his own! There’s also doctors records of him admitting he needs help for alcohol and pain killers addiction but I don’t know if that can be used as proof as it’s confidential. honestly without going into a lot more detail you will never understand just how mentally unstable and nasty this man is! I need out of this relationship but I’ve stayed with him because I know how messy this is going to be when I leave him and that he will do whatever he can to hurt me when he’s lost control over me, but more so, I’ve stayed with him because I know my son is with me all the time and is safe, if it comes down to going to court for him to see his son because I know he won’t agree to having it supervised with his family, and he gets rights to have him on the weekends or whatever, all it could take is one time for something to happen to my son and I won’t ever be able to live with that!
Sorry for such a long post! If I’d gone into details of everything he’s done it would be 10 times longer! 🤦🏼♀️ Any advice would be much appreciated!