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Original poster

No label

19 replies

DarceyG · 11/10/2022 16:53

So, I would like some advice. I have met a guy, very early days but we’ve had some great times together in past few weeks. He messages all the time, he seems pretty genuine and tells me he adores my company and really enjoys our time together but he said whenever he puts a label on something ie relationship it seems to go wrong.

I haven’t pressured him for a label I’ve been going along quite happy with how it is but now this issue of labels has me thinking!

he said he doesn’t want to see anyone else, he isn’t messaging with anyone else etc.

Whats this big deal with the label thing? Anyone else had this? Is he really just player? I’ve had some shitty boyfriends in past and he doesn’t show red flags so I’m not sure what to think about it?

OP posts:
JanesBond · 11/10/2022 17:42

He sounds pretty immature.

Watchkeys · 11/10/2022 18:05

The question isn't about if it's happened to anybody else, or what one 'should' think of it.

The question is, how do you feel when he refuses to put a label on it?

Original poster
DarceyG · 11/10/2022 19:28

Yeah I guess it is how I feel. I don’t really like it so it needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 11/10/2022 20:04

He's told you what he thinks. That's his answer. There is nothing to address.

Original poster
DarceyG · 11/10/2022 20:05

Well yea there is because if I don’t like the no label situation I don’t need to be in do i?

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 11/10/2022 20:10

Don't keep yourself in the situation, tell him you are looking for a relationship and as he can't commit to one then it's best you carry on looking. A man that doesn't want to lose you, will commit, if he doesn't then it's because he doesn't want to, waiting for him to change his mind will have you regretting being used.

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2022 20:11

I wouldnt sleep with a man who "doesnt like labels". If in good enough to lie with, im good enough to be in a serious relationship with.

Doesnt like labels, my eye!! Thats the red flag there OP.

Original poster
DarceyG · 11/10/2022 20:14

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2022 20:11

I wouldnt sleep with a man who "doesnt like labels". If in good enough to lie with, im good enough to be in a serious relationship with.

Doesnt like labels, my eye!! Thats the red flag there OP.

Yeah that’s my thoughts too. I’m not stupid when it comes to relationships and he seems so interested in me and how I’m doing etc that I almost overlooked it. No, I won’t overlook it. I don’t want to get married or move in together. I have a daughter so I’m happy with our couple of nights a week arrangement but even so. He can take his no labels elsewhere with someone who can be bothered with that nonsense

OP posts:
JanesBond · 11/10/2022 21:04

He can take his no labels elsewhere with someone who can be bothered with that nonsense

😀

asquideatingdough · 12/10/2022 00:22

"No labels" is shorthand for "I don't want to commit so I'll keep everything on my terms and then when I do something you don't like it'll be your problem." That's why things "went wrong" in his past relationships when there was a "label" applied.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2022 00:40

...he said whenever he puts a label on something ie relationship it seems to go wrong.

Does he now? What that really means is he will offer you no commitment, and you had best have zero expectations.

What a twat.

Original poster
DarceyG · 12/10/2022 06:28

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2022 00:40

...he said whenever he puts a label on something ie relationship it seems to go wrong.

Does he now? What that really means is he will offer you no commitment, and you had best have zero expectations.

What a twat.

Haha I know! I have told him now that I’m not interested in no label because to me that means if I sleep with someone else, well we weren’t really together. So I get a text at 3am saying wish you were with me.

I am too long in the tooth for I really want to be with you but…….. you either do or you don’t but you don’t get it all on your terms matey!

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 12/10/2022 06:36

So.. Men, annoying sods. I'm seeing someone, have been for about 5 months. Very early on i asked what he was looking for (as i was looking for a relationship) and how did he think we were going... Wasn't keen to label it, too soon to call it a relationship etc etc... We were dating, seeing each other 2 to 4 times a week.

About 2 months in, he was calling me his gf and talking about our relationship.

I similarly am bored by "lets not label it" talk, but depending on how long you have been seeing each other, calling it a relationship may feel a little early... If you are only really in the getting to know each other phase.

Original poster
DarceyG · 12/10/2022 06:43

Oopsiedaisyy · 12/10/2022 06:36

So.. Men, annoying sods. I'm seeing someone, have been for about 5 months. Very early on i asked what he was looking for (as i was looking for a relationship) and how did he think we were going... Wasn't keen to label it, too soon to call it a relationship etc etc... We were dating, seeing each other 2 to 4 times a week.

About 2 months in, he was calling me his gf and talking about our relationship.

I similarly am bored by "lets not label it" talk, but depending on how long you have been seeing each other, calling it a relationship may feel a little early... If you are only really in the getting to know each other phase.

Yes it is the very early stages but it’s him that keeps bringing it up. I’d never mentioned anything. We were out on Sunday and he was saying you are my girl now, holding my hand walking down then street then he freaks about about the label thing.

I am just very alert for red flags because my last relationship was so terrible I am not willing to even entertain another arsehole but he does seem genuine too so that’s why I was asking for advice.

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 12/10/2022 06:50

My relationship before this was characterised by uncertainty and the unpredictably of his emotions, so I'm wary of falling into the same dynamic as it has made me very anxiously attached.

How do you mean he brings it up and then freaks out?

Original poster
DarceyG · 12/10/2022 07:01

Oopsiedaisyy · 12/10/2022 06:50

My relationship before this was characterised by uncertainty and the unpredictably of his emotions, so I'm wary of falling into the same dynamic as it has made me very anxiously attached.

How do you mean he brings it up and then freaks out?

By saying things like you are my girl now and I love being with you. Can I see you tomorrow etc then we will have a great time and we do he makes me laugh so much. Then he will start getting all worried about the label. I was happy going with it since it is so new.

He lives in America and was married for 15 years over there. He moved here 3 year ago so I don’t know maybe he’s not over his marriage.

OP posts:
Original poster
DarceyG · 12/10/2022 07:06

Oopsiedaisyy · 12/10/2022 06:50

My relationship before this was characterised by uncertainty and the unpredictably of his emotions, so I'm wary of falling into the same dynamic as it has made me very anxiously attached.

How do you mean he brings it up and then freaks out?

Also I used to get anxiously attached but I haven’t been with him because I stayed single for 7 years after leaving dd’s dad so I’m really quite independent emotionally now.

OP posts:
pinkpanel · 12/10/2022 07:08

You sound great op. Stick to go out boundaries 👏🏼👏🏼

Original poster
DarceyG · 12/10/2022 07:30

pinkpanel · 12/10/2022 07:08

You sound great op. Stick to go out boundaries 👏🏼👏🏼

Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
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