We're miserable

[SlovenlyUnwedMother]

It's been quite a tough time. I've struggled with being back at work after having our first baby, money is tight, DS still wakes up multiple times a night, and we're getting married very soon which has been stressful to plan with everything else (wish we'd just eloped but it's too late now). DP's shifts mean we don't get much time together and definitely not without DS. We just both seem to be constantly miserable and winding each other up. All we seem to do is compete over who does the most/who is more tired etc. Neither of us are happy.

We had a week away recently and got to spend some quality time together which was lovely, but as soon as we were back to reality the bickering started again. I know we love each other and maybe it's just the reality of life with a toddler but surely not everyone is this unhappy? I feel like we should be excited about the wedding but it just feels like another thing to worry about at the moment.

Not entirely sure what I'm asking here, maybe just some validation that this is normal? Or maybe it's not normal at all and a red flag?

Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourselves, the first year of being a parent for the first time can be tense for the most solid of couples.

Cannot count how many times I wanted to throttle DP.

Maybe consider taking the wedding out of the equation for a couple more years and just concentrate on getting through the next few with a baby/toddler.

It does get easier I promise.

I found the whole competitive tiredness/busyness was a massive strain on our relationship and we eventually agreed on a rota of sorts, which was vital when I returned to work when DD was 9 months. We would just sit there having a petty row over washing up! Or a pair of socks on the floor.

I went back full time, so we shared night wakings, tea making, baths, each had a lie in on a weekend. Whoever didn't cook washed up etc. I hired a cleaner but I understand this isn't possible for everyone, but before that we took it in turns. There needs to be a fair distribution of housework.

Also tried to make a point of getting out of the house one day a weekend, even if just a stroll round a park. Then one day having down time.

It's really hard working and being a mum, and it does feel relentless. I adopted the mantra of "pick my battles" and tried to work on what I let annoy me. It's really tough but you'll get through it, go easy on yourselves.