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Original poster

ds and friend found porn video on dh psp - not dh anymore?!

26 replies

cantbeleiveit · 26/01/2008 17:37

My ds 7 has a friend round and they found my dh psp and turned it on messing around with it and found porn video small downloads of men and women doing things... I am furious with dh one for having that on their - feel disgusting and let down and two for children to find it.... am I being unreasonable - no argument just feel shocked and sad...help!

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 17:38

He is in the wrong for leaving it where kids can see it. End of.

scorpio1 · 26/01/2008 17:40

i think alot of men have porn somewhere, though i would feel hurt too if i found it like that, and would be jumping if my children found it!

Could you talk to him and ask him why its on his psp? Does he feel it needs to be secretive - could you not watch it together (but this is not every womans cup of tea, i know).

TBH though i think alot of men have porn somewhere.

scorpio1 · 26/01/2008 17:40

oh and if he HAS to have it it should be locked away or very out of reach from children, definitely.

LIZS · 26/01/2008 17:41

Did you even know he liked porn let alone might leave it where the kids might see ?

MoreSpamThanGlam · 26/01/2008 17:42

He is arse for leaving it there - bloody idiot and he should have to "explain".

But I do think most men have some.

Unfortunately most men are also numptys

postingatlast · 26/01/2008 17:44

no big deal whatsoever him having porn, all man have some somewhere.

Absolute numpty for putting it on the PSP, or anywhere else within reach of the kids. Period.

PAL [Male]

postingatlast · 26/01/2008 17:50

funny both me and MSTG used the word numpty at exactly the same time!!

Although I must take issue when you say most men are numpties!!

swiftyknickers · 26/01/2008 17:53

horrendous-what have you said to your DSand friend about it? the friends mother might be slightly cross too

poor you-what a dick

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 17:54

PAL Not all men have porn.

Aimsmum · 26/01/2008 18:04

Message withdrawn

Original poster
cantbeleiveit · 26/01/2008 18:11

Haven't spoken to friend about it - yet...what would I say...? Can't even bring myself to speak to dh...as feel too upset - he said its because when he travels away he's got something else - exact words...at least I don't have other women - it certainly feels similar!

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 18:14

At least he doesn't have another woman???

LIZS · 26/01/2008 18:18

So you know he uses it, even if your not happy about it, but not at home until now.

2 issues :- the fact you're not comfortable and his casual attitutde towards leaving it where children can see.

Original poster
cantbeleiveit · 26/01/2008 18:53

He says he is very very sorry - feels embarrased and foolish. Just had a talk and I said I thought our relationship was great and we get on sooooo well and I feel upset that maybe its not what I thought and I'm not who he wants me to be and am I supposed to be glad that he doesn't have other women just a stupid psp vid for when he's away? Can't even imagine getting into bed with him at the moment let alone sx!! eurghh the thought of it! How do I shake the feeling.. and re-wind to what we had three hours ago!!!

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 26/01/2008 18:54

it will happen when it has all calmed down. At the moment its very close to when you found it, in a few days or a week or so you will have had more time to chat and think about it, and realise he does love you

Original poster
cantbeleiveit · 26/01/2008 18:55

It was in his study and they were up there playing hide and seek and went in there...the rest you know....He also said he didn't think when he left it that they would be in there and as its not something he thinks about all the time he forgot!!

OP posts:
Original poster
cantbeleiveit · 26/01/2008 18:58

Thank you for all your messages...feel such a fool...but feel better that at least have some answers to this silly dilemma!

OP posts:
postingatlast · 26/01/2008 19:17

I don't want to hijack this thread with another debate about porn (I have had a few of those recently) but I would say to you, cantbelieveit that:

a) you have dealt with this brilliantly - up front and straight and brave.
b) you don't have to believe me but I would like you to when I say men really really really disassociate porn from their relationships (although some partners use and watch porn together). NAB3wishes - ok, not all men but I would put my house on 95% of men either possessing or accessing porn at least once in a while.

Men are visual characters and porn simply acts as stimulation. Women often masturbate with fantasies in their head, mean often require more visual stimulation, hence the use of porn. I don't know your husband, nor do I know you, but I can promise you that he really can love, adore and desire you - even if he watches the odd bit of porn. It is no slight at all on you or your relationship.

He's still a dick for leaving it in a vulnerable place but I really hope that this discovery will not put an undue strain on your relationship with regards to the fact that he watches porn.

Fireflyfairy2 · 26/01/2008 19:25

It was a mistake. OK he shouldn't have left it where there was a danger of the kids finding it, but he didn't leave it laying in the middle of the kitchen, or the kids bedroom... he had ot left in his study.

Hopefully he will have learnt a lesson now.

What did you say to ds.. ? Did he come & show you it? or just tell you he found it.

My dd (6) said in front of my MIL yesterday "Mammy, daddy was looking at a picture of a girl with no clothes on...she was bare naked, it was in a book"

MIL was mortified... until it turned it that it was an art magazine dh had gotten free inside a newspaper with lots of world famous paintings in it...

VictorianSqualor · 26/01/2008 19:37

Is this the first time porn has ever been menioned in your relationship? Do you feel that he has hidden something from you?

I ask this because I would expect most women to know their DP/DH's views on porn.

If you are not happy with him having/watching it then you need to dicsuss it, one person doing something in a relationship which makes the other unhappy or uncomfortable is not fair, no matter what it is, so it needs to be sorted.

If he needs visual aids, as postingatlast said, it's a very male thing to need the visual to masterbate, maybe you could do something together?pictures?videos w/e once you;ve got this sorted as a way round it?

I think the children finding it was just unlucky tbh, the point here is how you feel about it and how you're going to work round it.

TrinityRhinosDhWonHerAnIPOD · 26/01/2008 19:41

postingatlast
I agree with what your saying
my dh says the same
it makes sense

he was a twat to leave it where the children could find it though

ladymariner · 26/01/2008 19:47

And me aswell, I agree totally with postingatlast, and my dh says the same. Must be a man thing!!

chipmonkey · 26/01/2008 20:54

at firefly's ds!

Original poster
cantbeleiveit · 26/01/2008 21:00

Just had another calm chat and to be honest he's very lucky I am not a crazy screaming person and quite rational about things - it was just the shock of it all!
Of course I know most men including him look/use porn for whatever reason...but it was just a bit weird on the psp etc! Having reflected and thought about the situation for several hours I do feel better already as I know it has no effect on our relationship which luckily is very happy and sometimes still exciting after 9 years of marriage and very trusting.... very strange day - still need to speak to friend but it is a sleepover, so I will sleep on it and deal with the child knowing in the morning... Spoke to a very close friend in rl who did actually make me laugh about it, and said it could only happen to me to get myself in a situation which wasn't my fault!
Thank you for all your advice though

OP posts:
Emprexia · 28/01/2008 10:03

am i the only one wondering why your son thought it was ok to mess with his Dads PSP?

I was never allowed to touch my dads things without his permission, and irregardless of what i found on it, would have been seriously told off for messing with things that weren't mine.

My Dads 'office' was a desk in the dining room and i didn't touch anything on it EVER.