Finding transition to secondary hard

[Kayguildford1]

, I have never posted here before. My son who is nearly 12 has just started year 7. I know we haven't even finished the 1st term yet. It was seeming to go fine. He knows alot of people there. But more recently he has started to become isolated from his friendship group. I wouldn't say there is any nastiness or bullying it's just his usual circal of friends not including him. These are also the same friends he's plays football with outside school. I've tried to advise him if this is how they want to be then you need to step back, hang around with other kids etc. But I can see he is really hurt by what is going on. I'm trying to not put too much pressure on him , and just advise him but I feel like its really getting him down and it's heartbreaking to see. What would you do, or have you done if you have experienced something similar ? Thanks x

It’s really hard, but as a former teacher it’s really normal. Maybe it’s not acknowledged enough as part of the transition. It’s not personal - it’s new interests, opportunities and people, kids are having new opportunities to figure out who they are.

I would encourage your son to identify new opportunities he’s interested in - clubs can be great for finding new friends and interests. Also don’t be afraid to talk to his form teacher as he/she will have seen this happen before and can likely help.

At my last school, we used to have to swap seating plans every term with year 7 purely to help give them chances to make new friends and let classes bond without cliques. Might be worth asking if they do anything similar at your son’s school.

I hope he starts to feel settled soon - you sound like you’re giving him great support at home.

Something happened to my ds in y7. After I'd tried encouraging new hobbies and interests, I spoke to his form tutor and he was great. He identified a group that he thought my ds would fit in with and asked teachers to encourage it with seating plans and so on. He is still friends with them all now, at university.

That's lovely.

Thank you. I dont want my anxieties to come over to him. I think there are probably alot of parents who wouldn't feel too worried, but I do fret alot about him. And it seems to consume me. I just want to give him positive guidance and hopefully it will be something that just works itself out

Friendships often change a lot in y7 as kids reinvent themselves, or meet people they gel with better.

You've landed in Relationships which is more about other halves or inlaws, so you may like to check out the Secondary Education board www.mumsnet.com/talk/secondary
At the moment it is a bit full of choosing schools threads but there are various y7 threads around that you could hop onto and join in.
The board is very supportive and will help you through y7 to choosing GCSEs to sitting GCSEs.