Advice on how to end a marriage

[MarriageEnding]

I need some help with ending my marriage.

My situation is, the rental is in my name and all bills. I work full time plus have a separate business. Financially im ok. Children are school age. DH also works full time.

reason the rental is in my name is previously tried to split up but he sweet talked me with promises and i caved. Nothing has changed and his drinking is still as bad.

anyway, im sick of weekends spend doing nothing, him sitting at home drinking and him having no money. Also shouting and general lack of patience. We all walk on egg shells. We dont do anything together, dont have sex (although i wouldnt anyway as he always stinks of alcohol at bed time). Were co habiting imo.

ive tried to have a conversation a few times about us splitting up, i want to end the marriage, im not happy etc. he just says he doesnt want to and just ends the conversation. If i bring up why i want to end it, he argues they are normal things in a relationship. I just feel really frustrated that im trying to sit him down so he understands but he just will not accept it.

ideally, id like him to move out. I took the rental on knowing i could afford it without him contributing. He would be best to move in with his family (who have room) until he gets his head around it all.

i worry what affect this will have on the kids being in our current toxic situation, seeing him drinking constantly etc

I don't have any advice but I am sending you support to end this. It sounds like the best thing for your children and you. And it also sounds like you have all your ducks in a row -- well done! Hopefully you'll get some good advice here on the mechanics of getting him out.

Solicitor op

Today

assets? Who’s the higher earner?

Hi @MarriageEnding

I don't have much advice, I just wanted to follow this with interest as I am in a very similar situation.

It sounds like you're in a good position with the house being in your name, and being financially able to continue to support yourself the children.

I hope you get some good advice on here and are able to move forward.

Start with a good solicitor and work out what needs to be done with as much damage limitation as possible. Don't advertise this to him or the dc just yet.

Surely it doesn't need to be a discussion. Tell him your decision and tell him to move out. A discussion suggests he has a day in it and that there is an alternative outcome which you clearly don't want xx

Thanks for your replies. I do feel like applying for the divorce online whilst hes still here but then i feel a complete bitch as i know he will get the letter and he will be really upset. I know he just doesn't think I really want to split up!! I do!

he goes sulky, says i dont love him anymore (i do as the father of my kids and as a friend only). Hes just let me down so many times with his drinking. He goes on and on about me apparently seeing someone else- why else would i want to split up? There is no one else (not that id even have time- im always working/with the kids/at home) but id rather be alone and single than have this shit show every week.

I am going to sit him down tonight and give him a date to move out. I don't want our relationship to get to the point of absolute bad feeling and animosity where we cant bear to be in each other’s company. For the sake of the kids 😔

We both earn the same. There are no assets. My separate business doesnt earn much, its more of a hobby at the moment.

l would say to him you need to seperate, his drinking is having a very negative effect on your marriage and you can' t go on like this. Could you speak to his family and tell them what the situation is and that you want him to move out ? You need to be really firm and proactive, yes the children will be upset temporarily, but in the future they will thank you for it. You need to make it very clear that as far as you are concerned the marriage has come to an end, you could word it as a seperation, to see if he can stop drinking and start behaving like a decent husband and father again, it might soften the blow. Focus on you and the children, he got himself into this mess, he can get himself out, your definately doing the right thing, this is no life for you.

Get your plan together and do it. Stop discussing it with him apart from the basics he needs to know - i'm divorcing you, you need to move out, this is the arrangement for DC. You're wasting energy talking to him - he's not going to suddenly see the light and agree with you.

i worry what affect this will have on the kids being in our current toxic situation, seeing him drinking constantly etc

You know the answer, OP. Get him out, for DC’s sake as well as your own.

I do think speaking to his family about it is a good start as at the moment its just between me and him. Its kept secret, i need to tell people. I also confide in a close friend (who is friends with both of us) and they listen but tell me his drinking is “not that bad” “other people drink a bottle of wine a night”. 70+ units a week? lol i just think its because they dont want us to split up as it changes the dynamic. I know its not right i dont want daily drinking in my relationship.

The kids want me to end it. They were sad he moved in with us but i thought it was better to keep the family unit together. Very wrong in hindsight. Hes not violent but shouty, slams doors and busy with his drinking….

I think the above is a spam post by lovespellscaster