Finally saying no after an affair

[Maxhsuse]

I’ve been a right mug since findin out my ex cheated. Took him back multiple times and now I’ve finally grown (insert whatever word here - back home? Self esteem?) and told him enough enough now and he’s gone into victim mode, blaming me - I’m now starting to doubt myself ! Help!!

He’s desperate, keep moving forwards, don’t look back.

Get turned off. Eugh. Yuck. He cheated on YOU. What a loser.
He wasn't scared of losing YOU!?
He had you and risked losing you and DID lose you.

And now he's blaming you. And feeling sorry for his own mess.
He is the architect of his own circumstances and still blaming you.

Eugh. Yuck.

If you get turned off then you don't need to be conflicted. You don't need to have any dialogues in your head.

Don't let him back in, he will revert back to twat mode if you do.

Filthy specimen.

You are better than him.

He's an adult; free to make his own choices. Right?

S9 this is the consequence of those choices. You already gave him chances and took him back.

Did it work? No. Did it change anything? No.

Let him wallow in his victimhood. You owe him nothing.

He always has a knack of making me doubt myself, even after all this time and after all the times he went back to the ow

@Maxhsuse have you heard of the freedom program which can be done online?

Remember he wasn’t thinking of you whilst he was shagging other women, never forget

But not all men are like that so don’t hate us all

“He's an adult; free to make his own choices. Right?

S9 this is the consequence of those choices. You already gave him chances and took him back.

Did it work? No. Did it change anything? No.

Let him wallow in his victimhood. You owe him nothing.”

This. Stop listening to him. He’s shown repeatedly he can’t be trusted. Of course, he’s going to say it’s your fault. This is clearly a man who does what he likes and refuses to take responsibility. That doesn’t make him right. Reframe this: even if it were your fault he cheated (and of course it isn’t), you’re entitled to end the relationship. So that’s what you’ve done. And thank goodness you have. Put this guy behind you and move on.

Well, it's not victim mode is it? This is who he is and who he always will be probably. What you are seeing now is him using the same logic against your newly found confidence that he did to justify his affairs. "This isn't fair!", "I deserve......", "It only happened because I was feeling like...."

It sounds like he never fully considered the idea that his affairs would end the relationship. Why is that do you think? I think it is because he doesn't really think of you as a person whose feelings matter or as a person whose feelings can be easily manipulated. Either way there is a lack of respect there. You deserve so much more from life than to spend it with someone who doesn't even see you!

Don't give in, start to see him clearly. Once you do that fully there is no going back!

told him enough enough now and he’s gone into victim mode, blaming me -
This is such a classic cheat's move that it's known as "The Script" OP.
Pay it no attention.

I’m now starting to doubt myself ! Help!!
You have nothing to doubt.
He cheated, you gave chances, he;s used them all up.
Dump & BLOCK. And believe in yourself. You don't need this awful man bringing you down.

Just imagine how diseased his dick could be...
Keep him away op.

I am in this boat but my dh was only unfaithful once (and didn't go as far as intercourse) but I have lived with doubt on and off ever since.
It's eaten away at me.
Now we are sleeping in separate rooms but he is so sad, I feel so guilty. He keeps saying he is trying, but he didn't try when it mattered which was when he cheated.
I actually question staying in a sexless marriage, where the pain is triggered at certain times of the year and by certain songs. Solely so I don't feel like the bad guy and don't split my kids from their dad.
We get on really well generally other than I have no desire for him anymore because of how he pleasured someone else.
It's reasly hard. You are not alone