Relationships where you give a lot but get very little back

[CoughCoughCoughh]

Do you have any relationships in your life where you give a lot, always the one putting in the effort etc but it's not reciprocated? This could be family, friends, even a partner? I'l think I've just come to realise, that if I stopped putting the effort into the vast majority of my relationships and friendships, they would eventually end. I understand people are busy and life is hard and some peoples personalities just aren't like this, so there's no malice there. Not sure if I should continue the effort or stop as I'm beginning to feel a bit resentful. And I don’t think it’s a case of finding people who do put the effort in, as everyone seems to be bush wrapped up in their own worlds. I have children too so it’s not like I’m just sat around twiddling my thumbs.

I think it depends. In most of my relationships there are times when I give a lot and feel like it’s one sided, but then I need support without much capacity to reciprocate and the relationship is one sided but on my side if that makes sense? It tends to even out over the piece but if I pulled back when I felt I was doing all the giving, they wouldn’t be there for me when I needed it.

In general friendship terms my relationships tend to be more mutual but the people I really go to for support it can be swings and roundabouts.

I've recently ended a friendship with someone and once the blinkers are off I can see how unequal it was. At the time I genuinely thought this person was my friend.

Worst moment I nearly died and was lying in ICU, as I recovered I was calling my friends to tell them/ get support etc and she started asking me for some free professional advice on a business matter rather than show any interest in how I was. Later she said she was going through a bad time and couldn't deal with any more bad news, like I'd deliberately got seriously ill at that time just to inconvenience her!

User and glad she's out of my life now.

Hadn't seen a former colleague/acquaintance for a few years until she phoned me out of the blue last summer. Asked me to her house (quite a distance away) to meet her new husband, have a BBQ, stay the night...then in the next breath could I help with wording on a card for her departing boss (her first language isn't English). Suggested something but said I wasn't good at thinking on my feet. She then told me to put some suggestions in an email!! Having experienced her user tendencies I didn't do as instructed and never heard another word about the BBQ!! Too jaded for this sort of shit!

Stay in relationships for as long as you want to. If they stop meeting your needs, pull away. No need for resentment.

Look after yourself. Everyone else is looking after themselves. People who care about you will reciprocate your efforts. Don't stick around with those who don't, if it bothers you.

You are your own responsibility. Nobody owes you friendship.