Help! How to recognise a narc?

[MoiraRoseIsMyQueen]

Wise women of MN, I need your help! I’ve learned so much from the relationship threads on here, particularly to do with our relationship with my in-laws. Recently things have escalated/deteriorated, and I’m beginning to wonder if MIL is a narc. Can’t say too much about her behaviour as I think it would be outing, but can anyone tell me the classic signs to look out for? Or point me in the direction of useful reading?

Dr Ramani's youtube channel

Why does the label matter? She's not being nice to you, so the healthy thing for you to do is to keep your distance. There's subcategories of subcategories of narcissist... how much of your time do you want to get this unpleasant person's categorisation right? Because every minute is a minute you could spend doing something that's good for you, instead of focussed on someone bad for you.

Suspecting narcissism is enough to tell you she's got narcissistic behaviours. You are not qualified to diagnose, so you just need to trust yourself: she's narcissist-like. Stay away and get on with your own life, rather than analysing her.

What possible use can putting a label on it achieve? And you can’t diagnose it as a non-professional. And I am sure your spouse is suffering enough already with the situation - so why go further by making their mother into an even worse person/mother/MIL.
It won’t change the dynamics of your relationship - she is who she is.

A label will not change the behaviour. However there are ways that can help you deal with someone who has (or may have) a personality disorder and I don't think it is unreasonable for you to do some research. I recommend the Out of the Fog website and forum.

However there are ways that can help you deal with someone who has (or may have) a personality disorder

They're the same as the ways you deal with anyone who disrespects you. Minimise contact as far as possible, minimise communication, minimise emotional engagement. In other words, 'have your own back'.

How about simplifying it and simply asking yourself - if she a nice human being or not?

Someone doesn't have to have a personality disorder for you to drop them from your life. If they make you feel shit or treat others badly, wtf would you allow them to stay in your life?

It's your life and you get to choose who is and isn't a part of it. Stop telling yourself or allowing others to tell you otherwise. Take control.