As my username suggests, and inspired by another recent thread and a post within stating "if a man like you, you'd know. If he doesn't you'll be confused" - is he just not that into me?
We chatted briefly years ago after matching on internet dating.. probably 8ish years ago but never met. We reconnected earlier this year after he recognised me on a Facebook support group for a health concern we both share and exchanged a few messages. I however wasn't in a good place mentally after splitting up around the same time with my ex and also with the health issue mentioned. I didn't reply to his last message and he sent another couple along the lines of "well it was nice talking to you" etc.
Fast forward to this summer where I was feeling much better in myself and felt bad/rude for not responding to him, so messaged and he replied and gave me his number. We started Whatsapp messaging however the communication has been inconsistent & infrequent at best. We met up after some time, for a coffee, then another coffee a couple of weeks later. Very little communication in between - he says he isn't much of a texter and is on Whatsapp a lot for checking work messages, supposedly. Anyway, he comes round (is late) to watch a film then leaves on it finishing. Tells me by text he would like to have kissed me but didn't want to overstep the mark. I told him this would have been welcomed so he came round again (late once more) after texting me during a night shift that he "missed me". We didn't sleep together but did kiss/make out. He left for another night shift and again, no communication for 5 days. When I questioned it, I was told "well you didn't text me either". It may be old fashioned but I figure if a man comes round and does that sort of thing with you and then leaves, especially with me having pointed out his lack of communication, he should send something.
Anyway, I have not seen him since and another week goes by with no communication until he is nearby this weekend and sends a selfie telling me he is at a party near mine. I respond with several messages along the lines of I am not sure what you want as you never say however I do not want what this currently is and will not be a booty call, nor will I be someone who is picked up whenever is convenient and ignored for the most part in between. I am told he didn't expect to get feelings for me and is scared. I point out that surely if you have feelings for someone that would mean you would want to spend more time with someone, not less. I said he appears to have no interest in going through with the things he had mentioned us doing - going for breakfast, going on a hike etc. His response was that he 'does though', but is worried about having feelings and finally "I just need to act on them I guess?"
I am at a loss - he is in his 40's and have never encountered this before. I have said have you got a wife/gf - apparently not, and when I first met him in person he said he'd not really dated given the health issue mentioned at the beginning of this post.
I think I probably already know the answer but thought it worth asking for some perspective for anyone who may have encountered this type of 'wariness', if that's what it is, with someone before in the early days of getting to know someone.