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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When will it end?

4 replies

Chorlotte · 09/10/2022 20:50

My ex is in and out of my life constantly and so far each time I have gone back there (pretty sure I am trauma bonded to him). I have worked a lot with my therapist around this, my boundaries and self worth and feel
i am making strides in this but I get the feeling he is going to attempt to come back into my life again and it is making me extremely anxious. We share a child together so seeing him is unavoidable.

My mum doesn’t understand why I am anxious as I can just tell him to jog on, which yes I can, but I don’t want any conflict with him, and he has become not very nice in the past when I started seeing a new man. So I would like to avoid that at all costs, why am I so worried about this?

i just want it to stop, I want to co parent and be friendly and that is it. I just wish I didn’t care or worry about him, I have tried a lot but it doesn’t happen! I don’t want to be with him or try again, I see now how wrong we are for each other and it seems more like a unhealthy crutch than anything else. I believe he isn’t happy with life at the moment, which is why he is seeking me out.

Someone please help me chill the F out 😑

OP posts:
Teenprobs · 09/10/2022 21:04

Got some great advise yesterday. Look up counter parenting .

toucancancan · 09/10/2022 21:06

Sorry to hear you are in this pattern. Reading this may be helpful: https://www.bustle.com/p/how-to-break-the-cycle-of-on-again-off-again-relationship-according-to-experts-8609032

GreyCarpet · 09/10/2022 21:08

It will end when you decide to end it.

He can only come back into your life of you let him.

How did he know you had met a new man?

You can't control what he says or does only how you respond to it. It sounds harsh to say this is on you but, once you truly realise this, you will stop giving him the power and take it back for yourself.

Andypandy799 · 10/10/2022 07:46

Why can’t you stop sleeping with him? What draws you to keep going back?

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