Why is he acting like this after six months?

Natalia96 · 2022-10-09T19:30:21+00:00

Hi guys, My question is if why my the man I have been dating for the past six months is acting cold? I have dated a man for six months now. In the beginning it was great - we had lots of chemistry and many common interests. Upon returning from his vacation a little over two months ago it has been going poorly. He has been feeling down due to work and worked very long hours. It does not seem he prioritizes seeing me and does so mostly on Sunday evenings when he is done with everything else and that's if I am lucky. He is very cold nowadays and last week when I got happy over a hug I realized that I was fooling myself. I have tried to be very understanding but he is, from my perspective, not putting in any effort. In late August I did tell him I was let down be his behaviour. He apologized, insisted we should coninue seeing each other and said he would improve. Albeit he has been better about texting me the calls have been few, the dates shorter and the physical contact nonexistent. I am wrong for ending this? Why is he bahving like this? I am sadder than I should as I rarely connect with people but I cannot continue like this. I have many things going on - part time graduate school, part time work, friends, Pilates club and swimming classes - but he was a nice addition to it until he wasn't.

Namechange285 · 09/10/2022 20:36

Sorry this has happened to you. You're definitely doing the right thing by ending it. Looking back on my own relationships, I would say there is a lot of value in trusting your gut, knowing your own value and judging people by their actions, not their words. You deserve better than this, so move on with your head held high and forget this guy.

KoalaPineapple · 09/10/2022 20:45

If this is how he is at 6 months, picture a year, 2 years, forever? It won’t get better imo trust your gut and value yourself first x

firstmummy2019 · 09/10/2022 20:51

Sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend. First 6 months was so into me. Went away in holiday in the August and he started blowing hot and cold. Turned me into a nervous wreak. When I would pull away due tonhis coldness he would do a 180 and make more effort. Remember the 1st 6 months is the honeymoon phase. This is the real him. Get out now for your own sanity. No chances. Say this relationships is not working for you.

Mumofnarnia · 09/10/2022 20:52

Was seeing a man exactly like this last year. Are you sure he works long hours? Or he’s just saying he does as an excuse to avoid you?
As in my situation the man worked for himself and during the first 3 months seemed to have all the time in the world for me! Then he gradually became colder and colder and colder using ‘work’ as an excuse not to message me or reply to my messages or to see me….until he eventually ended things and ran off!
Do yourself a favor and dump him

DatingDinosaur · 09/10/2022 20:57

Honeymoon period’s worn off and he’s doing the slow fade so as not to be the bad guy for ending it.

Hotandbothereds · 09/10/2022 20:58

You’re right to just end this now, doesn’t sound like you’re getting much out of this relationship and he’s making no effort.

You deserve better, if he’s like this after 6 months when things should be fun & new what’s he going to be like further down the line?

Original poster

Natalia96 · 09/10/2022 20:58

I am quite certain that he works long hours as I did bump into him once getting out of the ofice around 8:30 pm. Still it is no excuse. He could always find 5 min to call me during his break. Sorry you had such a bad experience. It is his loss. Thanks for your support.

OP posts:

Original poster

Natalia96 · 09/10/2022 20:59

Mumofnarnia · 09/10/2022 20:52

Was seeing a man exactly like this last year. Are you sure he works long hours? Or he’s just saying he does as an excuse to avoid you?
As in my situation the man worked for himself and during the first 3 months seemed to have all the time in the world for me! Then he gradually became colder and colder and colder using ‘work’ as an excuse not to message me or reply to my messages or to see me….until he eventually ended things and ran off!
Do yourself a favor and dump him

I am quite certain that he works long hours as I did bump into him once getting out of the ofice around 8:30 pm. Still it is no excuse. He could always find 5 min to call me during his break. Sorry you had such a bad experience. It is his loss. Thanks for your support.

OP posts:

Mumofnarnia · 09/10/2022 21:06

Natalia96 · 09/10/2022 20:59

I am quite certain that he works long hours as I did bump into him once getting out of the ofice around 8:30 pm. Still it is no excuse. He could always find 5 min to call me during his break. Sorry you had such a bad experience. It is his loss. Thanks for your support.

Show quote history

Yes I’m not doubting he works long hours. Sorry I didn’t make myself clear. The guy I was seeing also worked long hours but he worked for himself and in the beginning said that the beauty of working for himself was that he was would be able to spend time with me as and when I was available. Then 6 months later he contradicted that by saying that because he works for himself he cannot get out of work when he pleases. And then used work as an excuse for his slow fade, cancelled dates, claimed he couldn’t find 30 seconds of his time to reply to a “hi how are you” text I sent him and so left that message as unread for 2 days because he was apparently too ‘busy’ working. Which ok once fair enough but it happened more and more frequent as the weeks went by. He became more and more selfish and everything had to revolve around him and how he was feeling whilst dismissing my feelings of him hurting me. It was a vicious circle.

StAndrewsGrad · 09/10/2022 21:15

DatingDinosaur · 09/10/2022 20:57

Honeymoon period’s worn off and he’s doing the slow fade so as not to be the bad guy for ending it.

Yes this.

Original poster

Natalia96 · 09/10/2022 21:17

Mumofnarnia · 09/10/2022 21:06

Yes I’m not doubting he works long hours. Sorry I didn’t make myself clear. The guy I was seeing also worked long hours but he worked for himself and in the beginning said that the beauty of working for himself was that he was would be able to spend time with me as and when I was available. Then 6 months later he contradicted that by saying that because he works for himself he cannot get out of work when he pleases. And then used work as an excuse for his slow fade, cancelled dates, claimed he couldn’t find 30 seconds of his time to reply to a “hi how are you” text I sent him and so left that message as unread for 2 days because he was apparently too ‘busy’ working. Which ok once fair enough but it happened more and more frequent as the weeks went by. He became more and more selfish and everything had to revolve around him and how he was feeling whilst dismissing my feelings of him hurting me. It was a vicious circle.

Show quote history

Wow. That is exactly what has happened in my case too. When we started seeing each other he still had time even though he was still working the same econ job for the same company. Now it has turned into a poor excuse. When we do talk it is mostly abot his work so I can definitely see a clear parallell between our situations. Do guys follow a script lol?

OP posts:

Herejustforthisone · 09/10/2022 21:28

Toss him back. He has no space in his life for you. You shouldn’t be crawling around feeling grateful for his scraps of attention.

Pineappleskies · 09/10/2022 21:30

If feelings aren't all involved then both men and women will try and cool things just enough that the other person gets the hint and you can 'drift apart and 'mutually decide' to split without confrontation or anyone being dumped.

Afterv5 years is it acceptable? No.

After 6 months there are worse ways for it to end. Take control, keep your dignity, get your stuff back and move on.

Cold men don't reheat.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2022 21:31

Stop trying to analyse this, because the reason why doesn't even matter. He was treating you poorly and thank goodness you were wise enough to end it.

Mumofnarnia · 09/10/2022 21:32

Natalia96 · 09/10/2022 21:17

Wow. That is exactly what has happened in my case too. When we started seeing each other he still had time even though he was still working the same econ job for the same company. Now it has turned into a poor excuse. When we do talk it is mostly abot his work so I can definitely see a clear parallell between our situations. Do guys follow a script lol?

Show quote history

I think they must do lol

They are obviously not intelligent enough to realise that we will suss them out that if they had plenty of time in the beginning but suddenly no longer have time anymore and they’re just making excuses and telling fibs

RosesAndHellebores · 09/10/2022 21:34

In a decade or two you will look back and realise what fun you had kissing frogs until the, I'll refrain from saying Prince, decent geezer worthy of you shows up.

Don't settle op.

Original poster

Natalia96 · 09/10/2022 21:40

Pineappleskies · 09/10/2022 21:30

If feelings aren't all involved then both men and women will try and cool things just enough that the other person gets the hint and you can 'drift apart and 'mutually decide' to split without confrontation or anyone being dumped.

Afterv5 years is it acceptable? No.

After 6 months there are worse ways for it to end. Take control, keep your dignity, get your stuff back and move on.

Cold men don't reheat.

Thanks for the insights. Sounds very plausible. I guess I got confused as I asked him in mid August if we should end things but he insisted he would try harder. Actions speak louder than words in this case.

OP posts:

Andypandy799 · 10/10/2022 07:41

Sounds like it’s time to move on and chalk him down to experience, sorry

Vinylloving · 10/10/2022 07:46

Honestly unless he has had a major life event that has impacted him enormously, which you would know about, this is not how it should be at 6 months. I agree with pp you will look back when you have the real deal and say phew I dodged a bullet, it sounds like you have a lot of good stuff in your life so I would ditch him and focus on that

Dery · 10/10/2022 08:09

When my mum, sister and I were all dating in the late 1990s, we quite quickly resolved never to waste time looking for reasons why a man was treating us casually. We quickly realised that it was down to one of two things - either he’s just not that interested or he’s not actually available. And it was usually the former.

This guy’s just thinking that a slow fade is the way to do it because then his actions are speaking for him and he can’t be arsed to explain what to his mind should be obvious, which is that he’s just not that into you now that the initial excitement has worn off.

You’re worth so much more than this, OP. It’s disappointing and hurtful but the sooner you stop wasting time on him, the sooner you free yourself up for other adventures. You could just mirror the slow fade or, for certainty, you could drop him a text (no need for face to face) and say this doesn’t work for you any more so you’re moving on. Tell him - don’t ask - and don’t give him a chance to debate this with you and suck you back in.

Andypandy799 · 10/10/2022 10:24

@Dery very good advice