My wife recently demanded that my 7 year old daughter never show her face at our apartment due to the child’s unbearable behavior.
We have been married for 2 years and we both have 7 years old daughters from our previous marriages. We also have a 1 year old together and she’s now 8 weeks pregnant. My wife lived in Ethiopia her entire life and I sponsored her to come to Canada with her daughter where they arrived in the summer of 2022.
It’s true as being the only child for my ex and I, my daughter may have been spoiled, but her behavior is not far from an average 7 year old. Since my separation nearly 3 years ago, I have discussed and educated about her behavior on a DAILY basis, and it seems to be working very well especially with emotional swings, defiance and anger. But soon as my daughter started living with her sibling in the summer, she developed a feeling of jealousy and I have been working very hard by avoiding things that may generate any kind of jealousy and teaching about love, sharing and caring for one another.
On the positive side, my daughter has become more independent and can easily perform daily tasks such as bathing by herself, dressing on her own, making her bed, folding her clothes and much more with little to no guidance and support. The changes for the better however are never acknowledged by my wife. When my daughter first met my wife, her behavior was not acceptable, but her behavior seems to be all new to my wife nowadays.
Aside from the children, my wife and I survived a never ending quarrelling in 2 years that most couples may not experience in a lifetime. She lied countless times and tricked me into lending her thousands of dollars which she can never pay it back. I was not in a position to confront her lies and deceives because I could not afford risking our relationship for trust issues. My wife has threatened to leave me many times since our child was born. My wife did all these after knowing I’m going through financial struggle post separation, post job loss and post pandemic.
She has also accused me of cheating on her several times, accused me of attempting to steal our child and going back to my ex, accused me of deceiving her with fake immigration documents to sponsor her and daughter to Canada. However, I never cheated on her, didn’t steal her child and both my wife and step daughter successfully came to Canada. I also think it’s safe to say that my wife doesn’t contribute to the housework as much as I would like her to. I am always tired and never have the chance to take a break from the children, kitchen, laundry and so on. She would not help anything with our 1 year old all weekdays and most weekends.
I have let all these slide, but I think she crossed the line when demanding my daughter out of the apartment. My daughter has a mom, however, we have a shared parenting time and our daughters have nothing but love for one another.
As of now, my wife returns from work at night and she immediately gets upset with anything and everything, and she has started being abusive towards me and my children that everyone has to fear her and start running away. For instance, she would get very mad at her daughter for talking or playing with my daughter and instruct her not to eat anything I give her when she’s not home. She also calls my daughter "bastard" instead of her name. I try to fight back to defend the kids, but she has been unbearable.
For me, this marriage is mostly about our children. Not just mine but hers too and that’s why our children come first. It’s also fair to say I loved her to let all the other issues slide.
Until now, I am trying to suck it up because she’s pregnant and I’m obligated to financially support her and daughter for many years as per immigration rules. I am not looking forward to another separation but should I grant her wish and live peacefully instead of this abusive relationship?
My previous relationship has not been nearly as bad as this. 12 years of relationship and we always treated each other respectfully. Our different religious beliefs and family pressure are the only reasons that led to our separation. We also have a preeminent co-parenting arrangement as we both want the best interest of our daughter.
I love my wife and my children, but I have to face reality and make a tough choice for our future which I need your help for.