Is he into me?

[summersunshine46]

I’ve been dating a guy now for nearly a month (had 6 dates). And I’m really confused by his behaviour.
First 2 dates he was very confident (he is very beautiful looking!) and I got the vibe he was a bit of a player. Third date I went to his town and we went out for sit down meal and it felt like he was a lot less confidence like really trying to make a good impression and he made a joke saying he must quite like me becuase I was sittting in his spot in the pub then he said he must really like me, i just laughed it off.

I went to his local with him on Fri and he seemed a bit moody at first, then after a couple of drinks he was ok. we then went for a meal and went back to his house. We went to bed just cuddling and he said ‘I love you’ but he was meant to say ‘I love doing this with you’ and he was really embarrassed and he said I didn’t mean to say that. I laughed it off and said don’t worry, he said don’t be getting too giddy over it (think he was just embarrassed).

We went for a big walk yesterday and we spoke about lots of different things and then we went and sat outside for a drink, felt like a really good connection. Hes always been a little bit tipsy when he’s said things, but after our walk in the daytime completely sober just before I was leaving he said “I think you are incredible”.

But on message when I leave he isn’t the chattiest. I’ve never told him that I like him, but I do , I’m just playing it a bit cooler (to avoid jumping into anything). I just can’t help but feel he’s a player too. I don’t know why.

I can’t work the situation out. He also said he had a dream he was a firefighter and he said he likes reading into his dreams and he said google it and see what it means. So I did and it said when somebody can’t keep their emotions in, and he was like hmm interesting.

Are these signs he is interested or is it too soon to be? He doesn’t say anything nice over text it’s always me saying I had a nice time with you. He takes ages to reply at times. So after seeing him I’m always a bit like did he think the date went well

@Dyawannafeelhowitfeels He goes on lots of nights out stays out late and gets up late some days. He talks about lots of women being beautiful mainly on tv but then he also talks about beautiful men. He’s very vain, not painting a good picture here. Doesn’t help that he is very very attractive

Hes come along when I’ve probably needed the distraction in life, so I need to probably not over think it, and enjoy it for what it is for the time being.

I think in general in life, you probably don't respect how you feel very much. That's not meant to sound insulting; it's a compliment, in a way. You put others' feelings very high on your priority list. That's a lovely trait. But if you're that kind of person, you need to make sure you only spend your time and your emotional energy on people who don't make you/your life feel messy. This guy is just dicking about with un-clarity. He's leaving you in the dark in places where you, personally, need a torch shone. Find people with the same priorities as you, i.e. people who shine their torches in the same places as you.

Don't choose to be with people who make you feel you're in the dark.

The 'accidental' declaration of love is a red flag. It's a testing of the waters. I remember a guy saying to me 'I think I'm falling in love with you...r smile' he knew what he was doing and wanted to see my reaction so he could gauge how soppy I was about him therefore vulnerable and willing to put up with his shit.

He goes on lots of nights out stays out late and gets up late some days.

Is this a similar lifestyle to you? I think it’s slightly immature for a 35 year old man, but that’s my take. Why don’t you like it, do you think he’s with other women?

He talks about lots of women being beautiful mainly on tv but then he also talks about beautiful men

I don’t know about this one… on one hand I’m a bit like this, but I make a point of not doing it in front of my partner. I think most men would know it might make a woman feel insecure. How do you respond to it?

Hes very vain
I think most men are tbh, depends how it manifests?

if you think he’s good looking, self confident and has a good social life is the worry he’s dating other women? If so, have you discussed exclusivity? You say you’ve slept together have you defined if you can sleep with others?

No. Sorry to be so blunt. As other posters have said - when a person is right for you, you never need sit agonising about how they feel/what they mean.

its still really early days so I’m trying to just enjoy it for what it is at the moment. I just wanted to gain a little bit of insight - but I’m not giving anything away in relation to feelings etc so I’m thinking he’s being cautious

I don't like the sound of him at all.

@mycatisannoying why?

Yes!

It's still early days with him, but the blowing hot and cold in my experience is usually a deliberate tactic. It's a bit like negging. When you're with him and he's telling you you're amazing it puts you on a high, then he pulls away again and you're on edge wondering what went wrong. Then he's great again and rinse and repeat.

Could be early days nerves or could be the start of a pattern where you'll end up an anxious mess grateful for whatever crumbs he throws your way. You says you think he's a player which makes me lean towards the latter.

Me neither. But it seems the case that OP will just convince herself this type of behaviour is normal, when it’s not.

I doubt there’s been any talk of exclusivity, so essentially he can do whatever he wants. OP, if it’s not explicit exclusivity it’s mild interest at best. I honestly think you’d feel better saying all this to him rather than asking randomers here, being open about your own feelings, and seeing how things go. You say he’s a player and then a few comments down say he’s just being cautious… both can’t be true. Either speak to him, or drop the over analysis and just enjoy it for what it is.

If you shagged him on the first date, you're not playing it cool! 😂

But that explains why you're analysing it on here now.

@DoingJustFine 😂😂I meant not letting on about anything else.

Ask him if he’s seeing other people - problem solved.

@Dyawannafeelhowitfeels I don’t feel like after a couple of weeks that’s my business to ask. Is it?

Such incredible advice! I’m saving this!

I mean you said the guy’s dropping hints he loves you so you’re the judge of whether it’s too soon. Do you not want him to sleep with other people? If so, you should be up front about that and outline your expectations. You’ve been having sex for a month - surely it’s your business who else he’s sleeping with?

Before you sleep with anyone you should ascertain what arrangements you have - this saves a lot of insecurity later on and you wondering if he’s a player.