Partner lied about setting & meeting a ‘friend’

[AviationAddict]

Hi all,
I could really use your help because I’m waking in the night in constant worry.
I got into my relationship 3.5 years ago. In our early days, one of my partners close friends contacted her to confess that he loved her. It affected their relationship for a few months, but they ended up going to dinner together (which I admit, made me slightly uncomfortable because it felt like a date) to talk things through.

fast forward a few years and I find recent pictures of him in her phone. She’d deleted the message thread but insisted there was nothing going on. The pictures were of him in his car and getting dressed for work. Then I find out he was at a work event she was organising, but that “it was a complete coincidence and she had no idea he was going to be there’’. We fell out over this, because I don’t like being lied to.

fast forward a few months and I find long message exchanges where in fact my partner has been trying to meet up with him several times on work trips. And it also transpires it was her who invited him to the work event that supposedly he just appeared at. (She’d sworn blindly she was telling the truth but not it is obvious she wasn’t.) The message exchanges between them are flirty - he tells her out of the blue that he’s ‘thinking of her’ and in my opinion, it’s clear he still has feelings for my partner. But I worry my partner is encouraging something here, or entertaining the attention. I don’t like likes and I keep worrying that more is going on that I realise.

i ended up contacting my partners friend and he apologised for inappropriately messaging my partner. But she says there’s never been inappropriate messages. I just don’t know what to think or believe any more! Both are adamant they want to remain friends.

What should I do?!

Leave. This is absolutely going to end in tears.

Pack her bags with his address on and send them in a taxi

Sorry, but this is over.

Have some self respect and tell her it's over.

So sorry but she's stringing you along.

They are screwing each other and taking the piss out of you.
Get out of this mess and find someone who respects you more.

Leave. All the trust has gone.

Getting dressed for work? Who took the photo?

He did. There were two pictures of him in his uniform, shot in a mirror

No matter what's going on between them (even if it's "just" flirting without any intention to take it further), the trust is gone and won't be back.

I'd end it OP.

Why are you looking in her phone ? And end it as you don’t trust her.

Well its clear there’s feelings there between them that has existed your whole relationship. She has lied about seeing him and has not heen respectful to you. Sounds like its time to move on. Sorry its hard i know

It sounds like she has feelings for him and realistically if you are still interested in trying then she has a choice to make.
The fact it's been going on so long would make me think she's enjoying the attention.

This won't be the last time you are waking in the night worrying about this. She has lied to you, she is still lying to you, and I'm sorry, but she is probably cheating on you. You can't trust her, and you can't carry on like this. Pack her bags and don't look back.

This relationship makes you feel like shit. Walk away from things that make you feel like shit. That's 'healthy boundaries' all covered, in a sentence.

Is your partner’s friend male or female? You keep flitting between the two in your op.

But whatever, the trust is gone. Not much else left after that.

Either tie yourself up in knots playing the pick me dance or just tell your partner to trot off to the other wo/man. Your partner clearly isn’t going to stop communicating with him/her so let the pair of them crack on.