No interest in marriage

[SkyeSky]

Hi. I have been on and off with my partner for many years. We share a three year old and I have a wonderful stepson who I also bring up. My partner and I planned to marry one day after having our child.
He has now changed his mind. Says he loves me and wants to be a family always yet has no reason to marry.
He recently purchased a home for us all but will not agree to put me on the house. I don’t not work as I am very much a stay at home mum.
He feels if I am with him then I will be secure. However if something were to happen the children and I would not have security and this worries me greatly. I feel very hurt and do not feel I can stay in a relationship like this. I do not want to separate my family, which he will say I am doing if I don’t move in.
How can someone put the woman he loves in such a position if he truly saw a future with her.
I don’t no what is for the best. I will struggle alone financially as I don’t not earn and have no savings.

Please don't give up your flat OP unless you get married first. It would take you ages to get back to this position. Don't let him bully you!

Help yourself and protect yourself.

He is a liar and a cheat.

You are being used.

Apply for CM and do not ever move in with him.

It would be total madness for you to give up your security to move in with him.

Do not trust him for a minute.

How can someone put the woman he loves in such a position if he truly saw a future with her

He couldn’t and wouldn’t. A man who is prepared to do this, doesn’t see a future with you.

Don’t marry someone who was cheating on you anyway

He says I have money if I am with him as in he will provide for as long as we are together

The issue is that he could boot you out tomorrow and you would have literally nothing. Potentially he could apply to keep your child as you can’t house her. And if he dies, unless he has written a will in your favour (which I bet he hasn’t), you’ll be out of the house with nothing as well.

Do you think he just wants you back to do FT childcare for his son, while he carries on his affair with this woman? It must really cramp his style to suddenly be responsible for caring for a child again without his free live-in nanny.

I am so very sorry OP but if a man didn’t want to marry me then I wouldn’t be hanging around. I wouldn’t give them an ultimatum either, I would just leave.

I feel very sad for your step son though. It sounds like you have been a marvellous person in his life.

It was his choice for me to stay home and not work.

Really? Even now hes actively preventing you from finding a job?

You are a mother to one of his two kids. Im assuming he didnt marry his other child's mother, so how are you any different from her? If he were really being fair, he would move in both mothers, so all kids could have their mothers close by.

But why he would risk his home by putting you on the deed..no idea.

Great post.

Very true about claiming your child if he asked you to leave.

You are vulnerable living with him.

Of course he wants his skivvy aupair for his new house.

Don't dream of moving and get yourself back to work as soon as you can.

In the interim do not be used for childcare by him.

Don’t move in, don’t provide free childcare for him and apply for CMS. Let’s see how wonderful this cheat is once you start looking out for yourself.

God this is dire.

Do not move back in, do not give up your flat. Is he paying CMS for your DD? Do not do childcare for DSS.

You are being used.

I am a single parent and his solution is going to land you in a much worse situation longer term unless you are protected by marriage.

Please OP too many threads on here about women getting screwed over. Go with your plan, stay in your own place, get back to work and focus on your DD and you.