Hi,
So I recently did some DA training where two remarkably brave brothers told their story of an abusive father.
Since then, it seems to have subconsciously dredged up my younger teenage past - I’m dreaming about it many nights where I can physically feel so much anger.
When I was around 13/14 my mum got into a relationship with and married an ex police officer. He was absolutely vile and I hated him from the second I met him; just had a gut feeling. She didn’t protect me from him as a parent should which, whilst always causing resentment, since this training, has made me want to withdraw from her more and keep my child and second child on the way, away from her. With that said, she just messages me more and more and then tries ringing me.
He made me feel I had no choice but to sit in my room or stay out late with friends to avoid him which my mum would have an issue with.
He assaulted me once in front of her, would constantly try and drive a wedge between us by speaking to her about how badly behaved I was (woke up one morning on a family holiday to find my mum storming out of the hotel room without even speaking to me. Turns out he’d been telling her all night how I wasn’t grateful enough for a trip the night before), would hide food from me as I needed to learn ‘boundaries’, would criticise my weight to my brother, despite having a daughter with a previous eating disorder, hide anything he bought my mum like hair straighteners, so I couldn’t use them even if she said I could, would delete any recordings I’d make on the TV and if I was watching TV alone when they’d gone to bed, then make a habit of coming downstairs just to sit and huff/make comments about what I was watching.
Tried to make me sign a proper contract about what chores I’d do in the house, would kick the dogs then lie about it and force them to stay in their beds or leave them in the garden for hours, if you weren’t ready for school at a certain time he’d blow up and leave you, would stand over my brother to make sure he ate all his food. The list goes on…
I moved out at only 19 to get away from him and they eventually separated which is when a suitcase of reams of knives was found under the spare bed and he allegedly put a tracker on my mum’s car and followed her about, obsessed with the idea she was having an affair.
Side note - I reported all previous issues about him to a police officer dealing with him for something linked to my mum as well as reports of the knives etc, how scared everyone was of him but they did nothing about it. Said police officer now works out of the same place I do which brings it up even more if I occasionally see them.
I guess what I’m wondering is how I process this properly - is it worth getting any help or just being silly and best off just trying to forget it?
Thank you