Evil MIL- contact after 25 years

[Boxshibe]

My dh (stupidly imo) contacted his mother after 25 years of nc. He thought maybe as she is getting old that she might have changed her abusive behaviour.

So he wrote her a letter and told her about his life- married, children etc
She phoned him yesterday - in the space of less than5 mins she called him " worthless, stupid and pathetic"
He hung up.
He is obviously upset and thinks wtf?
Why would you phone someone after that long just to have a go at them?

Oh your poor DH, that's really sad. MIL sounds awful. Sounds like your DH made the right decision to go NC all those years ago.

I know. The thing he can't get his head around is the fact that she would phone him just to say that! He's devastated.

Has she always been like this, what was she like in his childhood?

Sadly he provided her with the info she needed to bite back.

Am not sadly at all surprised to see that his mother remains as abusive as she ever was. She was not a good parent to him when he was growing up and she has not changed. Abusive people never apologise nor accept any responsibility for their own actions.

He made the right decision to have no further contact years ago. Its not his fault his mother is like this and he did not make her that way either.

Would he be willing and or able to see a therapist here or at least read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward as a starting point.

Very hurtful right now but over time I think this will leave him with fewer doubts in his own old age. All those ''What ifs'' that might have haunted him, they are less likely to now.

It's so hurtful to be confronted with MORE BLAME but he can eventually (when the hurt passes) enjoy the new certainty that he hadn't missed out on 25 years of what could have been a good relationship.

Did your dh tell you he contacted her?

She did it because she's waited 25 years to do it.

I'm sorry for your husband that he went through this but people don't change.

At least now he knows to completely write her off and that she will never be the mother he has always deserved.

Be careful of her suddenly seeming to change when she becomes elderly and wants help.

She's waited years to do it and he gave her that chance. Your poor husband; I really feel for him.

Worthless? Stupid? Pathetic?

He is none of those things. He chose to give her a chance.

She however sounds vindictive, abusive and just plain old nasty.

Sometimes folk are like that and it is best to treat them as though they don’t exist.

He gave her another opportunity to be in his life. She turned it down in a horrible way.

Hopefully he will now continue his life without this toxicity.

Is his dad still around and does he have siblings?

I agree that this finally gives him closure and stops the what if.
Unfortunately his dad was never in the picture and he's an only child.
It's just difficult for him. God some people really are evil.

Wow, that’s a lady who’s going to have a very lonely old age, does she have other family who she’s less awful to?

your poor DH did a nice thing which he certainly won’t be doing again, hope he’s ok 💐

She will die a sad lonely old woman. At least your husband can say he tried to make amends with her before that time comes. Block her number so she can't contact him again.

He's blocked her number. Hopefully she won't try and contact me.

What a horrible woman.

If I were him I'd be tempted to write to her one last time to thank her for removing any of the guilt he might have felt over not helping her in her old age.

She has effectively freed him from any kind of obligation to her whatsoever.

He now knows that no contact is absolutely the right thing.

He doesn't have to torment himself with ifs and buts anymore. He doesn't have to feel guilt, she's given him the final closure he needs.

I hope he's OK.

What a horrible person.

He was right to attempt contact one last time. He can be assured NC was and still is the right thing.