Struggling emotionally and financially

[Sadfur]

DC is 6 weeks old. Ex has not been in touch to see them. When we broke up he was adamant he wanted to be part of their life. I’ve not chased him but I was clear he could be in their life with no pushback at all from me. just feel so sad for dc that he’s not bothered.

Then money. Applied to cms as I really need the money. They’ve assessed it at 298 a month, yet earlier this year he was on 96k. I can’t understand this calculation. I’ve checked and he’s still working. As I paid for everything before birth I was hoping to use some of this money to pay off a chunk of the credit card debt I’m in (1,200) for the baby stuff. Also as he’s not around I wanted to get a babysitter for 3 hours a week at a cost of 28, but again that’s not going to happen now with this assessment.

im confused and anxious. Just looking for any MN words of wisdom.

Firstly don't force contact, this isn't your job. I say this as a lone parent, DD13 not seen her dad she was 2 and it's fine.

I've never had a penny from her dad as he lives abroad, but does he have other kids either at home or with other women? This can impact the amount he has to pay. (Assuming he's been honest)

@jeaux90 thats the thing he lives alone, no other dc. I mean I guess he could have other dc but we were in a long term relationship so I doubt he’d have hidden that. It’s less than half what the calculator online says.

im so sad he doesn’t see dc. Will that part feel better?

Well you can appeal of course but he may have included other expenses like debts etc

Yes them not being in their life gets easier, remember it's you feeling sad about it so you will get over it. It turns to anger then indifference over time.

Honestly I concluded that I'd rather be a lone parent than have a feckless, irresponsible man in her life. I can be that role model.

Are you on maternity leave? Have any support locally from family or friends?

Is he employed payed through paye or is self employed?

if it’s the former then legitimate dedications are
pensions contributions
number of nights
number of own children he’s paying for
number of other children he’s living with ( his or not)

if he’s self employed it’s much easier to reduce income by drawing a small salary and paying yourself in dividends

has He changed jobs ?

don’t chase him for contact - and if he does approach you make sure it’s agreed/regular/consistent and that he doesn’t feel he can just come and go as he feels like

do you have any friends /family who could babysit ? Work colleagues ?

Deductions not dedications !

Have you had a payment from the CMS? You can ask them to check the figure. But you can’t make him see you or the baby, if he doesn’t want to that’s that.

What other income and support do you have? Are you getting maternity pay and child benefit?

I wouldn’t feel sad for the baby btw, they have everything they need right now from you and won’t miss a dad they never had.