I don't know how to link my previous thread but it's available via my user name. The synopsis is that I had a decision to make about attending my boyfriends Dad's funeral (15 minutes at the crematorium for 10 people) and my disabled DS's meeting of very professional in his care which had taken 18 months and a court order to organise.
I was worried about choosing my son's meeting as knew how he would react but my OH did know when it was and did not discuss this with his step-mum even though there were alternate times on the day of the funeral. It's also 300 miles away.
After lots of soul searching and the advice here I told OH I could not go. He reacted very badly. Went out and drank heavily, came back to mine vomited all over, had a verbal tirade of abuse and he threw a glass of milk over me in bed. I realise this is not normal behaviour but tried to work through it due to his bereavement. Since then it has been very difficult. To appease him I agreed to go but attend my son's meeting virtually, which would mean missing the Crem service but I would be there before and later. It also involved arranging DS carers for over night, day care and moving his medical and therapy appointments so we can be there Saturday night to Tuesday morning. Funeral is Monday afternoon.
Yesterday his step mum rang to say she wanted go to funeral directors to drop some things off and could OH come back today instead of Saturday. He agreed and then asked I drive myself there and back rather than travel together and share the driving. I am severely sleep deprived as standard and struggle with drives of 4 to 5 hours so arranged to get the train but there's issues this weekend due to strikes and reduced service on avanti. OH offered to come get me if I got stranded anywhere. This then escalated over the evening into OH saying that I clearly did not want to come, I was not supportive and making up reasons not to come.
He left in the end and travelled the 300 miles today to take step-mum to the funeral directors. I have has some abusive messages saying I have planned things so not to have to come as I wanted to go out with my friends instead (In was due to go for a curry with friends tonight but couldn't as moved the respite care so I could go to the funeral) and some things about him feeling sorry for the next poor C**t who ends up with me.
I have experienced this language before but this week has been another level. I have driven myself crazy today explaining he offered to pick me up part way and that I had arranged care so I could come etc and have all the texts and emails to show that. But he is adamant that is not the case.
It's like reasoning with a child. I cannot do it. I have not heard from him all day and he has said I " better not arrive up there for the funeral".
I lost my Dad 6 months ago and was hit hard and still am not in a good place but this reaction seems something else. Is it a suck it up and be patient situation due to his grief or has he crossed a line?