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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he interested or not?

17 replies

flow456 · 07/10/2022 17:31

There's this guy who has been showing a lot of signs of liking me (staring, touching, teasing, bragging, being around me etc) for months now. I reciprocated sometimes but I rarely approached him. When we talk he doesn't really make a proper conversation and he often laughs like he's nervous, even if I don't say anything funny. He usually asks short questions that don't delve too deep. There was a period in the past when I ignored him because I was mad and thought he was only playing with me. He had suggested to hang out before but never asked when I was free or anything. When I ignored him he would stare more often and try to get my attention a lot. However, after a while I decided to give it a try and asked him if he wanted to meet. The problem is that he didn't really give me an answer yes or no. When I see him irl he still tries to talk to me and stares but he's always taking hours or a day to reply to my texts. I usually take a few hours too. He doesn't really talk to other girls much, at least not when I'm around. He has flirted with my friend though and I think he wanted to make me jealous because he later stopped. What's up with him? Is he just mirroring my texting behaviour or what? I would take it as a no and move on but he still keeps confusing me. Can someone be so shy to not reply when someone asks them out? It just seems fishy to me and I don't know what to do in this situation. It makes me think that he has someone else on the side or whatever. On the other hand I'm thinking that maybe he's just too shy and needs time to warm up, and the confusion remains. If he doesn't want to hang out I don't get what he wants from me. After all when you're really interested in someone you're eager to text them back and you say yes immediately..

OP posts:
Tsort · 07/10/2022 17:35

Why do you want to date this person? He sounds awful.

WTF is up with staring, touching, teasing, bragging, being around me etc? You think this is cute flirtatious behaviour? As what you’ve described is deeply creepy.

Creepy man isn’t interested, thankfully. Move onto someone who sounds less like a serial killer.

hugefanofcheese · 07/10/2022 17:36

He's not that interested. If he was, he would ask you out, he has your number.

Anniefrenchfry · 07/10/2022 17:37

He’s not interested. He’d have said yes when you asked if he was. And he won’t have someone “on the side “ they will be the main person, he isn’t your boyfriend

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 07/10/2022 17:39

He sounds like a sex pest. He’s not trying to make you jealous, he’s just trying it on with anything that moves and now he knows you’re a sure thing he’s keeping you on one side for when its a quiet week on Tinder and he needs a shag. Sorry. I got the ick just reading about him as I made the mistake of giving one of these twits the time of day once.

Justcallmebebes · 07/10/2022 17:51

Sorry, but what Peekaboo said. He's a fuckwit, not shy at all, just a fuckwit. Move on and save yourself having your brain scrambled by him

JanesBond · 07/10/2022 17:54

So you’re texting, and you’ve suggested you both ‘hang out’, and nothing has happened?

No, he’s not interested.

Wishimaywishimight · 07/10/2022 17:59

He's not interested. Also sounds a bit weird. Why on earth are you interested in him?

DatingDinosaur · 07/10/2022 19:27

My first thought was aww, he’s really shy and he really likes you!

You aren’t half giving off some confusing signals to him though. If you’re in the same friendship circles, just let him get to know you, and you him, without the pressure of “dating”.

And yes, shy guys can behave in some really strange ways sometimes but if you take the time to see beyond their nerves they are some of the loveliest people you can meet.

Now, do you have “a feeling” towards him or are you just enjoying the fact he seems to find you attractive and actually, you’re not that bothered?

MadMadMadamMim · 07/10/2022 19:33

My first thought is that you both sound 14, to be honest.

He sounds immature, not shy.

Sunnytwobridges · 07/10/2022 19:36

MadMadMadamMim · 07/10/2022 19:33

My first thought is that you both sound 14, to be honest.

He sounds immature, not shy.

This.

Keto4teeth · 08/10/2022 08:13

You're both playing mind games. Shit or get off the potty.

pictish · 08/10/2022 08:16

You gave him an opening but he didn’t take it so no, not interested. Or at least certainly not interested or motivated enough to be any use to you. Next.

YumYummy · 08/10/2022 08:38

You asked him out and you didn’t hang out so just leave it and forget about him.

Dery · 08/10/2022 08:42

He may fancy you a bit but isn’t interested in doing anything about it - if he was, he would’ve jumped at the chance to meet up. In this case, there are 2 obvious explanations - either he’s just not that into you or he’s spoken for. Either way, his behaviour is about boosting his ego.

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 10:28

Are you looking for a relationship? Healthy ones are based on meeting someone you feel you have clear and honest communication with.

No sign of this here. Whether he's interested or not is irrelevant if you have to consult a forum to find out. What will you do with other communications, if you developed a relationship? 'Hey, Mumsnet, does my boyfriend want to go out for a drink this evening?', 'Hey, Mumsnet, is my boyfriend turned on right now?'

JulesCobb · 08/10/2022 11:09

He is not interested. But is giving you just enough to keep you attention.

loottie · 09/10/2022 09:22

I have no idea why you are interested in him and he doesn't sound interested in you.

Are you both still at school? Hormones can drive you crazy at that age (year 9 is the worst - I was a teacher so I saw all the teenage drama from afar year after year).

Honestly widen your social circle, the more you get out of each other orbits and realise there are lots of boys out there the happier you will be. Don't fixate on him.

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