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Original poster

I've been such a fool

14 replies

Blackjack71 · 07/10/2022 14:02

Posted on here Sunday about a partner. I'm 51, he is 64 and I've been ceremoniously dumped, this morning. We have seen each other for about 8 weeks and it's been great. Getting dressed up and going out to nice places, dining at both his and mine. Last night, I took my two dogs to his and they get on great with his dog. After dinner, I suggested the pub, so we left all dogs together, no problems. I'm quite an insecure person and often need reassurance about feelings..we have both told each other we love each other. Last night, he said I was very intense. He said, today, that perhaps we have been seeing each other too much. The only thing I'm proud of was that I walked out on him when he said that. He's just a typical bloke, who knew he was having good, regular sex and he has now made me feel like shit. I am so angry with myself. He has used the we are seeing too much of each other card to get out of it.im so angry with m
Yself for being used and letting it happen.

OP posts:
Jota67 · 07/10/2022 14:05

8 weeks is not long to be fair. Maybe he just wanted to slow things down a bit and have some space. How often did you see each other?

Tsort · 07/10/2022 14:10

It doesn’t sound like you were dumped?!

Also, eight weeks is not a partner and this does sound extremely intense I'm quite an insecure person and often need reassurance about feelings..we have both told each other we love each other.

I'm sorry you feel bad, but I think you may need to reassess how you’re going about this.

RatherBeRiding · 07/10/2022 14:13

8 weeks is dating - not a relationship. And way too early to be saying you love each other.

Maybe he was finding it all a bit too much too soon?

And did he dump you or just suggest you slow things down a bit? By your post, you were the one who ended it.

Anniefrenchfry · 07/10/2022 14:14

8 weeks is way too early for this kind of stuff. He was correct. It doesn’t sound like he binned you though.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 07/10/2022 14:16

I'm sorry you got hurt. But it's the price for being open with someone and allowing yourself to trust and be vulnerable. Trying to protect yourself from being hurt means building a wall, and even then it's not guaranteed. So you haven't done anything wrong. It's just that he has decided against continuing the relationship and has been a bit of a dick. Maybe he's not very good at communicating? Shake off the dust and move on.

Aggypanthus · 07/10/2022 14:17

OP Only you will know the context of his remarks but it does sound like you got in too deep too soon. Chuck him back and block.

Tsort · 07/10/2022 14:19

Is this the same partner you were despondent about because he couldn’t get it up, blamed the mince pies and you (got some reason) thought that made you a mug for purchasing said mince pies? I didn’t super understand that thread.

OP, can I please ask what your previous dating experience has been?

Dery · 07/10/2022 14:49

“8 weeks is dating - not a relationship. And way too early to be saying you love each other.

Maybe he was finding it all a bit too much too soon?

And did he dump you or just suggest you slow things down a bit? By your post, you were the one who ended it.”

This.

Watchkeys · 07/10/2022 14:55

8 weeks? There's things that have been in my fridge for longer than that. It hurts because you got too serious too soon. This is on you. All he's done is date and state his boundaries. If it's really bothered you, then you placed too much stock in the relationship. Get on with your life - you must remember that you were happy before you met him? Just go back to that, if you can't bear his idea of taking your foot off the pedal a bit?

Stars71 · 07/10/2022 15:49

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 07/10/2022 14:16

I'm sorry you got hurt. But it's the price for being open with someone and allowing yourself to trust and be vulnerable. Trying to protect yourself from being hurt means building a wall, and even then it's not guaranteed. So you haven't done anything wrong. It's just that he has decided against continuing the relationship and has been a bit of a dick. Maybe he's not very good at communicating? Shake off the dust and move on.

Thank you. This is exactly how I feel. Also, better to find out now about his non commitment, than later on.

Stars71 · 07/10/2022 15:52

Dery · 07/10/2022 14:49

“8 weeks is dating - not a relationship. And way too early to be saying you love each other.

Maybe he was finding it all a bit too much too soon?

And did he dump you or just suggest you slow things down a bit? By your post, you were the one who ended it.”

This.

On the phone, he said I don't see how we can carry on, before I met up with him. I'm taking this as a massive lesson, not to be so desperate as to fall for the first one who looks promising. His idea of slowing down was meeting up for a coffee and a chat and sex, if it was on the table. I know I'm worth more than that.

Thanks for everybody's responses.

Dery · 07/10/2022 17:06

Ah okay, OP - your update does cast things in a different light. Good for you for sticking to your boundaries. My mum met the love of her life at 55 when he came to mend her computer so fingers crossed something similar is ahead for you!

JanesBond · 07/10/2022 18:03

I can’t see how you’ve been used. You dated for a while, and he’s just decided that your level of intensity isn’t for him.

Catlover1970 · 08/10/2022 21:59

JanesBond · 07/10/2022 18:03

I can’t see how you’ve been used. You dated for a while, and he’s just decided that your level of intensity isn’t for him.

Totally agree

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