Help me gather myself

[MandiY]

I'm currently going through a breakup, we were only together a few months however I've realised that I'm not myself anymore and need to find myself again. I've been a single mum from the day my son was born, and my whole life has become about him. I've lost my identity as ME, no longer participate in hobbies or make efforts to meet new friends, and have relied on online dating to meet partners. It all seems so inorganic and I just want to find myself again, meet people (friends) in real life and not online, and hopefully one day love will find its way to me once I've recouped and recovered. I want to be excited about this but I'm scared, and upset that I don't know who I am anymore. I'd appreciate any words of wisdom, if anyone has any.

Bump

Youre bound to feel rough after a break up. It sounds like you're focusing on your life and what you want out of it and that's a great place to be.

How old is your son?

This is going to sound awfully trite but if you're able to have any time alone ,walking ,preferably somewhere with some vegetation ,will help you ground yourself .

Single mum too, stayed purposefully single for first 8 years because I'd compromised too much in my life before and lost myself too.

I focussed on career, kid, family and friends, spending spare time with old friends or my sport (swimming) I soon got back to myself.

Getting back to yourself is important, feeling comfortable being on your own means you don't make compromises for a shit relationship.

And yes OLD is awful.

Thanks for starting this thread I have also come out of a relationship and am struggling with this also..it’s hard isn’t it

What hobbies did you like before the relationship? Reach out to some friends as well for support
Find yourself a class or a meet up group
Be very kind to yourself

No advice but just to say you’re not alone! I want to make friends in real life too but I find it so hard to find groups I can get to or get any commitment or depth from people. I think your strategy sounds great though and sure you’ll get where you want to be. Give it time.

He's 4 and I haven't had a long term relationship since his dad, who was awful and abusive. I've healed from that though and have had a lot of therapy and done much soul searching. I've had one 3 month relationship and then this 8 month relationship since. Both with lovely men who did nothing wrong. I'm just exhausted by everything. Don't know who I am anymore.

Yes, I'm going to my allotment and will do every day to keep me grounded, as I don't have a garden

So hard. Sending love and solidarity.

I didn't have hobbies as such but my life revolved around my friends, who are now scattered across the UK. I went out a lot, went to the gym (not the best place to meet people though), and worked in a social job where I was around people all day. Things spiralled downwards when I took a working from home job, had my son and left his dad when he became severely abusive during pregnancy, moved counties and all just before covid hit, so I got used to being isolated and alone at home.