Really scared for mine and my daughters future

[Sacredheart7]

My daughter is 4 years old and almost 3 years ago we fled very severe domestic abuse which resulted in us relocating our lives completely.
I have been embroiled in the family court process with my daughters father since and he has maintained supervised visits at a contact centre since.
My daughter is due to start compulsory education next year and I'm in the process of visiting schools to apply by January. What I'm scared about is her father and I have absolutely no contact whatsoever and everything is currently done via solicitors. I have so managed to conceal our address from him. He has a history of stalking partners including myself.
I know as her father he has parental responsibility and has a legal right to know where she goes to school. I'm just scared as the school I would like her to go to is a 4 minute walk from our house. I don't know how to manage this process because I live in fear that he will make school life a misery and also find out where we live.
Is it easier I just tell him his solicitors the shortlist of schools I'm applying for or shall I just complete the process and wait until he asks. To date he doesn't even know which nursery she goes to.. I'm just so scared as it's been three years since we left and I've had no contact and to see him at her school or at sports days etc makes me feel ill and scared.
Any tips on how I can manage this would be gratefully received.

I'm not quite sure sorry, but I'm boosting the thread so hopefully you get the answers you need. Good luck.

I don't know the answer either sorry. But I have had a stalker and can empathise to some extent with how the fear completely consumes your life.

I'd be tempted to crack on and apply, and not mention anything at all. Then as soon as you have a school space, ask for a meeting with the head and the safeguarding lead to ensure they know the full picture and can put steps in place to protect your personal information.

That doesn't stop him stalking you outside of the school though. Do you have police involvement still? Could you speak to their local DV officer about restraining orders perhaps?

Can you defer her commencing school?

Talk to everyone about it - school and people around you. You need a support network to watch out for you.

Can you ask woman's aid for advice?
I was able to hide details decades ago. Things may have changed now.

I also had safeguarding through our local hospital to protect our NHS records, preventing him knowing and arriving at hospital appointments.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. I remember that deeply sick feeling well.

Try Woman's aid for advice or look up to see if your area has a local support charity for domestic abuse. They can be very knowledgeable too.

Xx

If he knows the school he will be able to follow you home not sure what to suggest sorry

can I ask why he still has parental responsibility for her? Is that something you can change as he was abusive and you fear for your and DDs safety? 💐

Has he asked which school you are planning to send her to?
I am sure schools have such a policy in place not to let a child go with an adult who is not authorised to take them. There's usually a password in place.

“I'd be tempted to crack on and apply, and not mention anything at all. Then as soon as you have a school space, ask for a meeting with the head and the safeguarding lead to ensure they know the full picture and can put steps in place to protect your personal information.”

This. Don’t assume he has a right to know what school your DD’s in. Don’t share any information you don’t have to share. Can your solicitor advise? Also call Women’s Aid as they may have helpful advice.

It is a sad thing to say, but I think you will find that any school you choose for your daughter will have dealt with this situation before, and will have policies in place; doubtless, a member of staff is charged with responsibility for leading safeguarding, and staff will have been briefed and trained.
As PP's have recommended, make sure the head teacher is fully in the picture, and take legal advice about how much you are obliged to tell him.

I'm not sure myself, sorry, but maybe Women's Aid could help?