How do I deal with this person?

[Wheredoestheblackfluffcomefrom]

I have a relative who has decided that I’m nasty, has very recently had a shouting, shaking crying meltdown to a family member about how they can’t take anymore of my nastiness.

however, I’m not in contact with this person? They’ve blocked me, last message to me was 1st January.

In the past they have gone through cycles of been fairly friendly, normal, invited me to their home, then blocked me but not let me know what I’ve done. They’ve rewritten history and bring up events that happened 20/30 years ago.

I’ve gone through years of messages on my phone, to see what you be said that warranted blocking or this recent character assignation and really there’s no nastiness, messages back and forth, difficult family situations like deaths. I’ve shown a friend messages in the past because I’m doubting myself, they’ve agreed that there was nothing that warrants the extreme reactions.

I’m torn between wanting to defend myself and sending a transcript of my messages to them and their spouse, asking where is the nastiness or ignoring.

I'd be blocking and ignoring them. If you are that nasty then they'd want you to surely?

I wouldn't engage with them or their spouse directly.
But I probably would have a conversation with the family member they said this to and say you really don't know where this is coming from and you aren't aware of having upset them, certainly not on purpose.

Which family member thought it necessary to tell you about this even though you are not in contact with the person spouting such bile about you?. That particular family member is a flying monkey and they have their own agenda as well. The flying monkeys is doing the other relative's bidding here along with being not at all interested in hearing your side of things.

BTW it is no point whatsoever in approaching both this relative and their spouse (their enabler) directly because it won't get you anywhere.

No contact also is precisely that so I would not bother to at all engage. The other person is well aware that you're not in contact with them so have embarked on a smear campaign in order to rile you and draw you back into their dysfunctional world.

Take back control by not allowing this person unilaterally to keep letting you back in and then blocking you. Block them everywhere, take away all channels to access you.

That won't stop them badmouthing you to others, but I suppose you deal with that with dignity and brevity when it arises, e.g. "Well, I haven't laid eyes on them at all this year, but whatever".

Ignore. It really is that simple. I know it's not easy. There's no point defending yourself against someone who makes up lies to bad mouth you. It's pretty obvious they'll just make up more rubbish.

Let them spout. If you say nothing, after a while, they'll start to look more and more silly, and you'll start to look more and more dignified.

I'd drop contact.

No point trying to defend yourself for multiple and ancient slights or offences against the person, perceived or made-up.

If anyone questions you about the estrangement, just say "person blocked me in January and seems to view our relationship/past very differently to me, so I'm respecting their decision to stop contact."

Unfortunately it’s my brother, my parents were subjected to the recent meltdown, I don’t think that they are stirring things but we’re left very shaken by the outburst.

My other brother is lovely but lives overseas doesn’t have much to do with anyone tbh except for visits every few years

Block them back. They add nothing to your life.

Screenshot the last messages first and send it all to your parents in a. Email. "I'm not asking you two to get involved but i need you to understand that I'm as confused as you two. I've decided this is all too unhealthy so I've blocked him also."

I'd just say to your parents you don't really understand where it's all coming from, but you're going to respect his decision to cut contact. And just see them separately from your brother.

Ignore OP. Does your parents know he hasn't spoken to you since January and blocked you.
You don't need him in your life or drama.
I had the same but I kept quiet. Didn't do anything at all to justify the bad mouthing/bad stabbing. I show kindness but for my own sanity I came off all social media apart from here.
Live your life happily as you won't change the way he is.