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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wedding speech

22 replies

Breakingpoint1961 · 06/10/2022 04:40

I'm MOTB and my DD would like me to do a speech, her DF is a loser and won't even be there.

I'm no shrinking violet, but this is keeping me awake at night. I hate any attention on me (low self esteem) so I'm terrified it'll go tits up.

Desperately need reassurance, I want my DD to be proud of me.

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 06/10/2022 04:50

The one thing I would say to you is that weddings are happy events & everyone is pleased for the couple and in a good mood and feeling celebratory - so before you even get on your feet , everyone will be on your side. Do remember that . Make it short and kind and thank everyone who needs to be thanked , and tell your DD how pleased / proud you are and raise a toast to the couple - isn't this what most FOTB do ? You'll be grand I am sure 💐

BasiliskStare · 06/10/2022 04:52

@Breakingpoint1961 - see above post - not sure if that helps but was genuinely meant to be reassuring. Not sure if I can remember what my father said about me at my wedding but he was nice about me & husband and kept it short and sweet.

LHReturns · 06/10/2022 04:56

Do you feel this could ruin the day for you?

erinaceus · 06/10/2022 05:32

There was a thread the other day about someone who was reluctant to do a wedding speech. Really quite a different situation but in the thread were some template/outlines for simple wedding speeches which you might find helpful, along with some tips.

CelebrateAndDream · 06/10/2022 06:36

It can be daunting...but whatever you say, I'm sure your daughter will love it 🥰 I gave my daughter away and did a speech at her wedding. It was one of the highlights of my life...honestly, I couldn't have been happier that day! Yes, I cried (knew I would!) but it didn't matter!!

Have you thought about asking someone to help you to write it? I'm a wedding celebrant, and I also write speeches (usually father of the bride and best man speeches, but I've written MOTB ones too). There are lots of professional speech writers out there who might help make this easier for you. I also offer rehearsal Zooms to my clients, where we go through each part of the speech, the pauses, how to breath effectively etc. Might something like this help you OP?

Whatever you do...as long as it comes from the heart...which it will!...you'll be fine! Everyone will be on your side...and your daughter will be proud of you for doing it 💗

Good luck 🤞

junebirthdaygirl · 06/10/2022 06:41

Most important is to keep it short as the worst thing is a long speech and l have experienced LONG! Then keep it personal and from your heart. Maybe share a little story of when dd first introduced you to her now dh or some little story about her as a child or them as a couple. If you genuinely speak from your heart...which you will..then it will be lovely. Don't get into thanking loads of people . Also it helps to have your speech before the meal if you are a bit nervous so you can then relax and enjoy your meal. I see this a lot recently.
And it goes without saying..don't mention the dead beat dad!!!!
Your dd obviously has great faith in you or she wouldn't have asked you. Have a great day.

whoknew123 · 06/10/2022 06:56

There are plenty of resources online to help plan a father of the bride speech, have a look at those. Don't worry about trying to be funny, you can add in any funny stories later if some spring to mind. Talk from the heart and remember everyone wants you to do well and wants to listen to you, no matter what you'll make your DD proud. Good luck X

BlokeHereInPeace · 06/10/2022 09:19

I've done the best man thing a couple of times and it can be scary. But all people really want is to know that you are proud and happy and glad to be with everyone, so start by saying that, thank everyone for being there, say something nice about the couple and thank everyone again and they will all think you are brilliant, which you are.

LemonDrop22 · 06/10/2022 10:02

I would get your (short) speech together and practice ad nauseum ... In the mirror, record yoursel, to a friend, to a group of friends, anyone who'll help you out, until you know it backwards and have already done it in front of others.

Rainbowshine · 06/10/2022 10:25

Write your speech and when you have to say it, imagine you’re just saying it to your daughter and son in law, don’t worry about the rest of the people in the room apart from the thanks part. Short, simple, and make the language “normal”, you don’t need to have swallowed a thesaurus! Rehearsing it is also good to help pacing and tone and feel confident.

Original poster
Breakingpoint1961 · 07/10/2022 05:54

Thank you all so much for your reassuring words, and your helpful ideas, it has really made a difference just reading this thread.

I think the term "coming from the heart" has been mentioned a few times, and this stands out to me, I want to come across as sincere and not 'gushy' I don't do gushy.

Once again, I am so very appreciative of all your replies. It has made a world of differenceSmile

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 09/10/2022 04:14

@Breakingpoint1961 the one phrase I do remember from my father's wedding speech was "When Basilisk was born I thought she was the most beautful girl in the world , & I still do " Not gushy but from the heart. He left it at that. NB I am definitely not the most beautiful girl in the world , I know that - but he said it and beauty is in the eye of the beholder is it not. So just an example of what touched me & it was very very short ad sweet.

YRGAM · 09/10/2022 06:57

The thing that's helped me when speaking at weddings (I've done it a couple of times, including at our own wedding) is that it's the most supportive audience you're ever going to be in front of. Everyone will be happy to hear from you almost regardless of what you actually say in your speech -there's no pressure to be funny, you can just say what's important to you about your daughter and people will

YRGAM · 09/10/2022 06:57

*love it

Campervangirl · 09/10/2022 09:54

My dd recently got married, her "d"f not in her life.
I did a speech, I was also terrified.
I Googled motb speeches for ideas.
Thanked everyone for coming.
Then said how much I love and how proud I am of dd, I threw in a couple "in" jokes that everyone would understand, nothing embarrassing, family and close friends attended so everyone knew what I was talking about.
Then I spoke about the groom, welcome to the family etc, how happy I was that dd chose him for a life partner.
Thanked his parents for welcoming dd to their family.
Took a moment to reflect on those who were no longer with us (dgps).
Then a toast to the bride and groom.
The end.
Dd had the timings down to perfection, I had three minutes but as soon as I started it flowed.
I also had it written on cards, broken up into sections and practiced on my dsis in the run up to the wedding.
Trust me, if I can do it so can you

Original poster
Breakingpoint1961 · 10/10/2022 21:16

@BasiliskStare bless your DF, so sweet, I'd have been in bits!

@YRGAM I feel the pressure to be funny, that's a real problem, as I am seen as someone funny, but I don't do stand up, which is exactly how I feel!

@Campervangirl you've basically read my mind and answered all my fears, I shall use your 'template' as you cracked it!

Many thanks to all of you, I feel a whole lot betterSmile

OP posts:
Campervangirl · 11/10/2022 09:05

Breakingpoint1961 · 10/10/2022 21:16

@BasiliskStare bless your DF, so sweet, I'd have been in bits!

@YRGAM I feel the pressure to be funny, that's a real problem, as I am seen as someone funny, but I don't do stand up, which is exactly how I feel!

@Campervangirl you've basically read my mind and answered all my fears, I shall use your 'template' as you cracked it!

Many thanks to all of you, I feel a whole lot betterSmile

Glad to be of service, let us know how it goes and good luck, you've got this ❤️

W0tnow · 11/10/2022 10:10

The only thing I would add (I did loads of presentations in a previous life) is practice, practice, practice. Until you know each word inside and out. That way you can look at people, and smile, and you’ll be more confident in your delivery. If you need to do something with your hands, hold your champagne glass ready for the toast.

im sure she’ll be so proud and you’ll be fine.

ReeseWitherfork · 11/10/2022 10:12

Reframe…. It’s not a “speech”, it’s a “toast”.

Good luck!

Original poster
Breakingpoint1961 · 01/11/2022 06:04

Just thought I'd come back and update you all...

The speech was a hit! I had people I didn't even know come up to me, telling me how good it was, I couldn't believe it! And I don't know what happened that morning, but every single nerve in my body left me, I was as cool as a cucumber, rather uncanny..

@BasiliskStare thank you for your Dads line, I used it, and it made me cry every single time I read it, as it was so true, and I used to say it all the time.

Thank you all once again for everythingSmile

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 01/11/2022 15:28

@Breakingpoint1961 - I think all here knew that you could be good and so very happy that is how It worked out. & as for being cool as a cucumber - well ( re Apollo 13 - the film ) you clearly were a steely eyed missile woman that day. All best to you and your daughter & her husband

Basilisk x

Original poster
Breakingpoint1961 · 01/11/2022 22:01

@BasiliskStare Thank you so much for your kind comments, and I can honestly say, that one sentence from your Dad, made me immediately well up. You don't need a million words, just the right ones..thanks again x

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