Where do I go from here.

[Laurajane01]

Hi
me and my husband have been married for 7 years, together for 15 years. We have 3 kids.
over time I have become unhappy, we just arnt in love, I’ve become in a lot of debt over years which I’m not proud of, I am currently seeking help. My husband will send me messages saying you’ve got this debt? You owe to such and such like he’s checking up on me, he doesn’t pay for any groceries or the rent at all (he does pay council tax, tv licence, car and running costs (I don’t drive) sky etc) but he does get the child benefit, he’s forcing me to try and get a new job but I love my job (I work term time in childcare so it’s not the best paid but I’ve been doing it since I left school)
when we argue he wil say the most hurtful things. (I’m a cancerous leech, etc etc)
he won’t leave where we live and I just don’t no wat to do anymore.

Oh no this is horrible abuse from your dh not only in the financial field but everywhere. Why is he not paying half the rent at least or more depending on his earnings. Also whoever pays for the dc gets the children's allowance.
As l don't live in the UK l can't advise much but here coercive control is enough reason now to get a person out of your home.
Others will be along in the morning to advise you more but contact Womans Aid today.
The reason you have debt is because you are paying for everything not because you are bad with money. This is horrible for you.

How evenly balanced are your finances?
Is he proposing you get a job that isn't term time only? Is he prepared to step up with childcare?

Do what you need to do to get out. He sounds like a prick.

So prepare to leave. Do you have any family who would help you ?

I suspect the debt is directly related to family expenses due to not having enough to cover rent, kids shoes, etc.

Can you start making plans to separate?

Well he sounds a darling doesn't he. Not!

I think you need to speak to someone in rl and consider your options.

Was the debt for essentials? Does he work? It all sounds like a mess to be honest and like you don't even like each other. You really need to split up and go your separate ways.