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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Debt irresponsible partner

16 replies

Chatscoffe · 05/10/2022 21:33

I've been with my partner 13 years two children. He's always been crap with money. Hes had debts in the past loans credit cards etc missed payments on them got in a mess years ago we paid them off eventually and just about got his credit back to a good standard . He still borrowed money alot tho from family etc and not really very good at saving or budgeting for things. So I normally take over the saving as if I didn't would be last minute or not at all.
Anyway for 8 weeks straight now he has paid no bills on the house he's living in with me no rent no food money one excuse after another he owes ppl money so can't pay he's in a mess so can't contribute he's sorry it will never happen again it's just he's made a mistake and trying sort his mess out is what he says promises won't happen again . I'm overdrawn and have made the short fall up by borrowing but I currently don't work and only receive universal credit this covers most of the bills but not rent food or money for the kids. so I can't use any of that as it's already taken up with bills and accounted for. I have been looking for work but not been successful. He then goes on the sick from work with stress for the next two weeks he's says he's stressed because of money and the relationship so now we are more money down again can make the rent payments and food but that's it nothing left.
It's my son's birthday in a few days and he currently has 3 loans out and a credit account overdue his answer is take more credit for the birthday. I don't want to do this but don't have much choice really as have had no money for weeks so haven't been able to buy anything . I just feel like I'm constantly stressed down worried and don't know if I should just leave. I care about him but we have had a rocky relationship for a while arguments etc mainly over money his lack of priorities. Am I being unfair? I don't work and he is the main provider currently untill I find a new job I am looking. he says ppl make mistakes and I'm unfair for holding it against him but it's just alot of worry constantly over money and debts they are his debts for him personally not for the house. I feel like what if he gets in another mess it's bad enough getting out of this all the credit he owes . I feel even if I was alone I would have worries but I wouldn't take credit or be getting in debt and I wouldn't make the situation worse. I could budget and have regular money coming in then at least not rely on him as hopefully I can find a job asap

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 05/10/2022 21:36

Who's name is the debt in?

Chatscoffe · 05/10/2022 21:37

His name

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 05/10/2022 21:38

It sounds like 13 years of a repetitive cycle and that he keeps promising it won’t happen again and it does. Where does all this money go to?

MolliciousIntent · 05/10/2022 21:39

Chatscoffe · 05/10/2022 21:37

His name

Good. Get a job and leave

Watchkeys · 05/10/2022 21:52

You're living as if you're in debt but you're not. He's adding this toxin to your life. Get away from him. Nobody who loved and respected you would put you in this position.

Chatscoffe · 05/10/2022 21:58

Yes your right
Thankyou

OP posts:
cosmicbabe · 05/10/2022 22:00

Leave. Me and my partner go halves on everything and if he couldn't afford to because of debt it just wouldn't work as it shows a clear lack of respect for not only you but everyone he's borrowed money from in the past.

Leomii81 · 05/10/2022 22:04

Couldn't live like this he is a selfish irresponsible twat and is going to just drag you down further.
I would personally get rid of him.

Chatscoffe · 05/10/2022 22:16

Yes it's extremely frustrating thankyou

OP posts:
Chatscoffe · 05/10/2022 22:17

That's true thankyou

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 05/10/2022 22:18

What is he spending these loans and credit cards on?
If he can't sit down and go through where every penny is going and to make a plan, you'd be better off on your own.

bloodyunicorns · 05/10/2022 22:20

What is he spending the money on??

I'd have gone though his bills and itemised every thing.

It's been 13 years. He won't change. Leave him and have a better life.

QuietQuietBang · 05/10/2022 22:20

It sounds as if neither of you are covering yourselves in glory here. He’s living beyond his means, but you’re not bringing in any money at all, and it’s simply not tenable to claim that you can’t find a job. You are either being too picky or not putting in sufficient effort.

ColadhSamh · 05/10/2022 22:30

He is putting himself before his family, depriving your children of a stable home and you are aiding and abetting him. Start putting your children first.

billy1966 · 05/10/2022 22:54

Put your children first and get the hell away from this waster and his debt.

BeserkGiraffe · 05/10/2022 23:02

Oh OP. 😔😩 I am so sorry you're being put in this position but believe me, it will not change. I speak from personal experience here. You need to get out of this relationship.

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