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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ghosted by a friend

11 replies

GMPlus1 · 05/10/2022 16:19

How do I move on? An old school friend hasn't responded to any of my attempts to contact her since June. I can't think of any particular reason why. The last time we met up was fine, really fun in fact and our last messages were the same as normal (photos, life updates etc.,).
It feels rubbish as I thought we got on well and share similar interests. Do i just leave it now? I've thought about messaging her partner but figured that it might look a bit desperate 😣

OP posts:
blebbleb · 05/10/2022 16:21

It's happened to me to and it feels rubbish, but if they don't respond there's not much you can do. Perhaps their having other issues in life that you aren't aware of? Whatever the reason, I think you should leave it. You may hear from them again but it's best to move on.

Original poster
GMPlus1 · 05/10/2022 16:23

Thanks @blebbleb I thought this too but I guess if they want to reach out eventually they will. Sorry you've been through it too.

OP posts:
NotLactoseFree · 05/10/2022 16:27

I've been through similar. And I think I posted on here about it at the time. One thing that people kept telling me is that it might not be me. Is she going through something? Have you tried texting her and asking straight out if anything is wrong?

In my case, my friend was very stressed and her mental health was suffering massively as a result of various things, exacerbated by lockdown. She has subsequently moved away and our friendship has definitely drifted as a result, but it's such a relief to know that it wasn't me and that we ARE still friends. DH and I also suspect something was going on with her DH. Not between them necessarily but external to her relationship with him and that he/they didn't want to talk about. But it took us a long time to come to that conclusion and we only got there after he went back to being more or less normal with us after a long period of feeling like he didn't so much as want to acknowledge our existence.

Original poster
GMPlus1 · 05/10/2022 16:33

Yes I have @NotLactoseFree so I guess just leave it for now. You just never know what's really going on at home I suppose, I just really hope she is OK as it's out of character.

OP posts:
Imissmoominmama · 05/10/2022 16:36

If it’s out of character, then do message her partner. Just check she’s ok- why wouldn’t you?!

VatofTea · 05/10/2022 16:43

Leave it, it's her not you.

Don't be desperately seeking closure, you might not get it for a very long time.

I've been ghosted several times and subjected to other worse behaviors, and it is all down to school friends who never finished degrees or got their sh1t together, now being jealous of me and wanting to level me down, even though I don't need it. I'm level enough thanks. It's their life's frustrations bubbling over, and inappropriate projection, and sometimes it's as simple as jogging along at a different life rate depending on where you are regarding lifestyle choices. So just let it go and move on, keep your head up high, and the reason for ghosting will either be revealed or will dissipate over time. It's usually jealousy (often unfounded).

denbigh · 05/10/2022 22:24

im sorry OP..its absolutely dreadful and I have to say, its not on you. Same thing has happened to me with a friend i regarded as family over 30 years of knowing each other. She is now 60, im 46, and all i can surmise is..she has done this consciously, with intellect, knowing me, yet still carried on the path of ghosting and low/zero contact.
It hurts, it actually consumes too much energy, but i realised , She Chose this, therefore she is accountable for her horrible actions. Until she tells you/ gets in touch there is nothing more to be done.
I judge people who do this, it isnt right and it says far more about them than you (or me) try to live now without her and i would advise not to let her back in, if she did it once, she can and will do again, that was my mistake. Sending you big hugs x

AreWeThereYet69 · 05/10/2022 22:46

Yep as @denbigh says she can and prob will do it again...a 'friend' of 20 years did this to me last year while I was going through a breakup with DP of 18 years and it really stung almost as much as the breakup...and she had done something similar over a decade before and I let it go.
It's a shitty thing to do to another person and I bet you don't deserve it

Watchkeys · 05/10/2022 23:33

If you're not sure she's ok, check with her partner. Surely you'd expect that friends would do this for you if you just suddenly dropped off the radar, rather than concern themselves about how they were coming across?

If you find out she's fine, though, leave it there. People do weird stuff. I was ghosted by a friend I worked with. She'd let the door slam in my face if I came through it after her. It was so odd, we'd been really close, and nothing had happened. But you know you've let go when you accept that you'll never know why, and you're fine with that. Just takes a bit of time to realise you don't want friends who are the sort of people who'd do something like that, anyway.

girlfriend44 · 06/10/2022 00:16

Can't you phone her?

Blip · 21/12/2022 21:51

What happened OP?

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