Wrote a post on here about a month ago...still finding it hard to come to terms with what has happened. I feel utterly broken, violated, humiliated, scared for the future. At times (during the nights) I think to myself - 'what's the point, anymore?'.
I'm trying to piece together exactly what has happened to me, whether it was just a bad/shitty relationship or was it more coercive in nature? My ex partner (I'm 99.9% sure stalked and hacked my phone and laptop for 2.5 years since he moved in). Everybody told me on here and on another forum that it was him, but I wasn't convinced because 'how could somebody do that to someone they love, right?'.
Anyway, I was out one night with dd and he rings and rings and I was busy so I quickly glanced at my phone. Then when I looked again there was a message that had been deleted. He tells me he is receiving messages to his phone from conversations I had had from previous partners again. He makes me feel like shit for it. The next day he tells me he is going to go into the phone shop and the police to sort it out. It was me who mentioned the police, and then he frantically tried to call and said he would sort it. What he doesn't know is that I rang the phone shop and police and they told me that the crime and reference numbers that he gave me were not valid, and the phone shop told me that they wouldn't do half the stuff my ex said they did. My ex told me they found more images of me on his phone in secret files and told me not to use my SIM card again or anything like that. He also told me it was really embarrassing for him and all this.
When my ex would receive any images of me, or private conversations I had had with other people he would hit the roof, and I mean HIT the roof. It got so bad, he threatened me, took away my personal possessions, smashed up my things and made me feel trapped and scared. Before he did all that though he would give me the silent, moody treatment for a couple of days and I would be walking on eggshells. I was always walking on eggshells. He always made me feel like I couldn't have time for myself, or would make me feel guilty for having time to myself, i.e. - getting my nails or hair done. He would always say that 'family time' was the most important thing so if it's not spent as a family then it's pointless. He would get very upset if our schedules didn't sync up and upset and moody if I went and did something that was different to him.
He would also threaten to out me to to my family and people on Facebook every time I tried to call it off (I used to do online cam stuff - nothing explicit - think erotic hypnosis) and he would always use that against me. I now live in constant fear. I cannot sleep at night. I am very scared that strange things are happening to my mind.
I am just broken and my thoughts at nights go very dark...:( I don't know who I am anymore and he's made me feel like I can't do anything without him. I know this is BS, but I just want these horrible feelings to stop.