Newish relationship… when to move in together?

[LB08]

So a bit of background… me and my boyfriend have been together about 4 months now… all is going really well, no red flags and we enjoy being with each other very much. Obviously in my head I’m thinking about moving in together soon maybe, however we both bought our own houses just before we met.
It would make more sense for him to move in with me as it’s closer to both our jobs, although he works from home mostly.
I brought this up to him to see how he feels and he said he’s just bought his house so obviously wants to live in it for a while (and I feel the same about my house too!) so the whole moving in together probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon.
It just seems silly to me that we’re paying for 2 houses and spending loads on petrol to travel to each other’s too!
I’m really struggling to afford everything right now too, but obviously I know that shouldn’t be the main factor in moving in together.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? How did you decide where to live?

Much too soon, but you could try it, rent out the other house and make sure you have clear expectations of who pays what.

You just met. You barely know each other.
Moving in together after 4 months is crazy.
And since he works from home - you really want to put this new relationship under massive pressure of spending 24/7 together?
if you are struggling with bills - you need to find another solution.

Far far too soon. At least a year, possibly more.

After about 18 months? You’ve literally known his 16 weeks, this is probably a red flag to him!

I’d say at least 18 months. Much less than that is still honeymoon stage. You need a year to get through all the calendar events, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, so you have an idea what their thoughts and behaviour surrounding them are

You don't even know this man. Moving in together shouldn't even be a thought in your head right now. Pump the brakes, FGS.

4 months? I have things in my fridge I've had for longer.

DH and I waited 2 years (and we lived fairly far apart and worked shifts, we just made sure we made time for each other when we could ), then rented for a year to make sure it worked out.

I've got cheese in my fridge older than your relationship

Brace yourself for an onslaught of posts from people who moved in with someone after three weeks and are still together 30 years later, as well as some people who stuck it out on principle for 5 years, even when one of them became homeless. There’s very little middle ground on mumsnet 😂

I’d give it a year, to be honest. You barely know someone after a couple of months and if you’ve both just bought places then it would be madness to give that up. How much time are you spending together to make it seem unviable to have a house each? I’d be seeing someone 2-3 times a week at that stage.

Too soon. Are there any kids involved?

I'm going to disagree with others as myself and DH moved in after 3 months and that was in 1996 and we are still together, with previous relationships I would not have considered moving in together even after a couple of year so I think you just know when it's right.

However, having said that I think you both have to want to and from your OP I would be concerned that your partner does not seem keen.

If you do decide to do it, I would suggest renting out one of the properties and seeing how it goes.

Oh God, I do hope not!

I'd say a year minimum. He's still a stranger to you right now

Slow down !! Enjoy the new relationship and getting to know you stage, wait till at least a year if not more before even thinking of moving in.

Also try to renovate or go on a car trip together before moving in, they are good tests of communication and patience

Way way way too soon to even be thinking about it. Any kids involved? How old are you?

Bonkers. I’ve been with my bf 10 months and I don’t want to move in with him for at least another year! I enjoy my own space. Just let things develop naturally

Far too soon and it sounds like he feels it's too soon as well. Struggling to afford things should not be the decider for moving in together so quickly.

Enjoy the honeymoon period!

Don't rush.

Have you spent a whole 2 weeks with him yet, such as a holiday? That would be the very start of getting to know the real person, their habits, faults etc.

After 4 months, you don't even know if he's a home body on the dark evenings, likes a window open at night while you prefer it snuggly, gets bladdered for the whole of December, etc.

Take your time.

Thanks for the messages guys.. I was kind of expecting that 😂

Anyway I didn’t mean to move in together right now, I know it’s still a bit soon… but we do know each other quite well I reckon, we’ve had a week’s holidays together already!

Also I’m 34… so I think in my mind I’m trying to rush things because I’d love to start a family before I get too old for that 🙄

Even more of a reason not to rush, once you have a child you are linked to the other person forever.

You are young just breathe and enjoy your new relationship

You’re right. I just get very impatient sometimes 🙈 and thanks, I don’t feel young though… especially as all my friends are settling down and having kids…
I guess I just need to remember I’m on my own path and things will happen when they’re supposed to 🤷🏻‍♀️ or something like that ha

Ha! I moved in on week one. It's been 30 years this year. So please, people, enough with your life rules.