Friends no more

[Dinkiedoo]

I had a friend of at least 30 years who has just cut me off !

Ive had a horrible few years with parents dying and son having a nervous breakdown after 2 of his friends taking their own lives.
Not once has she sent a message asking if I was ok . I did not e mail her to moan.
She has problems of her own but following my mums death when I heard nothing I e mailed and asked her why.
I have always been supportive of her.
She replied on FB but then deleted it . Then she unfriended me and my husband.

So 30 years down the drain. I know people grow apart but I have always kept in touch . Sent her little gifts etc.

I'm too old for messing about and if she wants to leave it then that's fine with me. Just hope the door doesn't bang her arse on the way out !

Has anyone else become less tolerant as they get older ? I remind myself of the two grumpy muppets Statler and Waldorf 😜

I’m bumping this for you. There are two other ‘friend betrayal’ threads, posters might not want to say the same thing twice.
I agree it’s a horrible feeling, especially after 30 years.

That is shit, sounds like you are well shot of her but of course you can feel sad about and grieve the lost friendship a bit.

hope you have some nice friends around to help you through what sounds a hellish time and your son feels better and gets the help he needs soon.

That's pretty brutal, OP.
Sounds like you've had a rough few years.
You'll never know her reasons. Look after you and yours.

Could be that she's going through something and you caught her on a bad day? Is it worth trying to call her up? Seems a shame to waste a 30 year friendship.

It's true that you find out who your friends are in a crisis. Must be something in the water as a few threads on this very issue recently on MN

I had counselling after a similar situation and counsellor said some people can take, but not give emotional support. They can find other people's emotions difficult to bear and sort of shut down.

Whether this is any consolation it's probably her not you if this happened on the back of you needing support. It's shit and makes you wonder if you can ever trust them to support you again. I bet she would deny anything was wrong if you asked her but as she's blocked u I think you'll have to leave it, shit as it is

Sorry to hear about your mum 💐
And about your son not being well 💐

I don’t think you sound less tolerant, but your ‘friend’ sounds unpleasant. I’ve had similar experiences with unsupportive family members, too busy causing drama and intentionally withholding whilst I was grieving. Better to not have that kind of toxicity in your life x

Part of grief is anger and l found after my dm died l was very angry with one or two people and loking back l realise l needed to be angry with someone. They hadn't given me any support at the time but l see now it was their lack of knowing what to do and l should have focused on all the wonderful people who did support me.
Some people seem to just come into their own at a time like that and others...due to their own issues disappear.
If she is usually a good friend and you will miss her from your life thread carefully while in the first throes of grief.

Shes done you a favour, sending hugs and good thoughts for you and your son xx

Friend was diagnosed with leukemia in 1999. I flew all the way to Canada to see her as I was so worried. I called her regularly and wrote often when I came back. I sensed her shifting away a little but we always kept in touch.
When my son left home I sent her a message telling her how upset I was. She never replied. I guess I should have realised then she wasnt a good friend.
She messaged me after the pandemic saying she was thinking of coming over and could she stay with me. I said of course she could. That was the last message I got. Things started going horribly wrong in my life. It was only when mum died I realised how one sided our friendship was.

I have other real friends who have been great.

Thank you for all replies and good advice given. Its much appreciated.

She sounds like a user tbh, happy to maintain the friendship when the focus was on her. You’re better off without her 💐