Assure me this is a reason to leave?

[Feelingunhappy]

I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years (I am 27) and we have two young children. But I am incredibly unhappy. I couldn’t really identify any one thing that’s making me unhappy or a change that I think would make me feel better. I feel like my partner and I just don’t pair up well. I don’t enjoy time in his company, he’s clearly not really interested in anything I say. I could list various reasons and examples of why he’s often not very nice to me, but if I’m honest I think he could probably do the same to me. I feel like we just don’t get on - not ww3 by any means but there’s no friendship there. There’s hardly a relationship, we sleep separate and don’t spent any time one-on-one. Sex is a burden to me and do it as little as what it stop him bring it up.
Is being unhappy a justified reason alone to end a family?
Also, I know he wouldn’t take it well. We live in his hometown where I have no family near by. I don’t know how to leave him. I have said before when we have argued I really don’t want to do this relationship anymore but any time I’ve said that he wears me down by going on and on about how things will change etc (they never do!). He won’t leave and I have no where to go so what do I do? I’ve thought about trying to find somewhere to live in my hometown and telling him when I’ve found somewhere but it feels so deceitful to be planning a move then having to sit him down on a normal day and tell him me and the kids are going practically immediately. What the hell do I do? I’m so unhappy I often feel I don’t want to live anymore.

The relationship is not healthy or happy. It's a poor example to set your children. That's enough reason to end the relationship.

You aren’t ending a family, you might end your partner relationship but he’ll still be their dad.

I ended my first marriage for these kinds of reasons, one day I just looked at him and thought 'I cannot do this for another 50 years'.

You get one life, that's it. Is this what you want for yours?

Also, you can leave for ANY reason but being deeply unhappy is a pretty good one.

That is exactly how I feel but I also feel so trapped and don’t know how to get out

@Feelingunhappy as above you only get one life and your not happy. You have tried to speak to him before and nothing changes so it’s not deceitful to start looking for somewhere to live.

When my exw moved out she got a lot more money than when we were together and she works FT but not on a great wage so gets UC top up and comes out with about £2200 per month.

Use the website Entitledto and they will work out how much help you will get.

You make your arrangements to move, and then you go. You are your own person; nobody owns you. If you're not happy, make the right moves to ensure you become happier. Otherwise it's a complete waste of your life. How long can you carry on like this? Another 50 years?

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. Nothing from what you have written. Its a terrible relationship example to be imparting to your children also and you would not want them as adults to have a relationship like this. You would not be ending your family either, just this relationship which has long since past its sell by date.

What is the situation too re the finances and property?. Are you named on a mortgage or tenancy agreement?

Being unhappy is a bloody good reason to leave and besides which you only need to give your own self permission to leave. The fact he would not take it well does not matter and from that I presume you're afraid of his reaction. If you are afraid of him contact Womens Aid. Plan your exit now with due care and attention; do not continue to do your bit here to show your children that this is acceptable to you on some level.

We currently rent and it’s actually only my name on tenancy. If I go he’d need to go too. Bills we pretty much split evenly but some things are in both our names which would need to be sorted out. Logistically the thought of it makes me sick having to have those conversations, I’m not scared of him but I know he’s made my life horrendously difficult and I feel so low right now I don’t feel like I could cope with that.

The influence on my children is definitely pushing me in the right direction!

Would you consider mediation? Just leaving with the kids seems like such a harsh move.

The second sentence was enough reason to leave. You’re not happy.

I’d consider mediation but honestly I don’t think it would make a difference but now. Two completely different personalities and good doze of resentment mixed in.

tell him me and the kids are going
Will he let you take the DC?

Yes there’s not a shadow of a doubt he wouldn’t try stop me talking the children. If anything I think it would be a bigger battle trying to get him to see them if we moved out.

Oh dear- he does seem very uninvested in you and the DC.
You sound more than just unhappy, you sound totally defeated by his behaviour. You are not married so haven't made a promise to stay together and, as he makes no lasting effort, I think you need to escape the negativity he causes.